How to regain interest in life?
I've been going through various relapses of major depression for at least 20 years.
It would take me ages to list all things I tried...
Does anyone here have experience of year after year depressive episises which leave you with nothing but new fears each time round?
People tell me I'll get past this as I did with other episodes...I don't think that is always a certainty but even so what's the motivation of going on when you feel it has taken everything and you're only left expecting the next horrific episode. But year after year in between one episode and another I feel that there's been too many deaths inside me. Nothing captures my interest and am tired of struggling blindly without having an aim, then s time I don't feel I have a desire to get better. I'm just really done with these efforts and all the baby steps needed each time over and over again to build up again what the darkness takes away both internally but also in practical terms of work, accumulation of pending stuff, responsibilities etc
Anyone else finding it gets worse with age?
@anonyLemon4233
I can hear the exhaustion for you even just thinking about what it will take to go through another episode.
I find it helpful to think of depression as an intervention in the parts of our lives that have strayed too far from who we authentically are. In other words, parts of us are needing 'deep rest' (as Jim Carey would say) from pretending. This could include pretending we are someone we are not, or pretending we can live without, or don't need, or don't care about, things that are in fact deeply important to us. In spiritual terms, some people call this the dark night of the soul.
When we have rejected parts of ourselves for too long, we can fragment, and depression can force us to look inwards to recover those parts we have rejected or feel shame about, so that we can re-integrate them into our expression of life. We lose interest in life because we have lost too many parts of ourselves. Similarly, we can lose interest in life because too much of it is filled with things that are inauthentic to us, and we've been surrounded this for too long.
Often finding the parts that have been the most neglected for the longest period of time, will provide a key to how to bring back our interest in life.
Places to look, which are areas that are often 'deprioritised' in everyday modern life, include the following possible areas of loss or lack of freedom of expression:
1. Your honest feelings and needs in certain relationships. --> improve connection with own feelings, own needs, and improve freedom to express them
2. Creative or artistic interests and pursuits. --> Do the same things with more creativity, or pursue new creative and artistic activities
3. Sexuality and intimacy. --> improve connection with own desires, and improve ability to communicate these
4. Sufficient safety to trust or depend on in relationships --> improve the quality of relationships, increase proportion of relationships that are safe and nurturing, remove exposure to relationships that are inauthentic or harmful, therapy to heal from trauma
5. Unmet needs as a child or unrealistic expectations of the child you were --> look for options to meet these needs with the adult resources you now have
6. Things we really care about, or are up to, or are interested in, that we never started, started and paused --> Start, or re-new activities.
7. Fun. -->. Take on something challenging that is also social, or something that has no purpose other than enjoyment.
8. Connection with nature & spirituality --> spend time in nature and exploring what it means to be a human being.
It is difficult to develop an interest in life when parts of our true selves are feeling threatened, pretending, hiding, rejected, abandoned, neglected, shamed or judged and criticised by others - and even more so when it's by ourselves. A possible antidote is to embrace and celebrate these parts of ourselves.
Trust and believe that this too shall pass, just as the others did. But there are many possibilities for giving it a nudge and an energy kick along the way. :).
Take care and be kind to yourself, and each other.
@SafeHarbour thank you for sharing.
And for the extensive reply. Maybe at one stage I'll be able to get back to it but for now it seems another long to do list... With exception of the sexual relationship aspects as that has been in existent for 15 years now.
At the moment I have no self love.
How can you do something fun during depression it is all about non enjoyment, numbness and futility?
My mind seems unable to see any possibility other than further suffering within and around me.
And with older age comes more disease and losses... Its inevitable
@anonyLemon4233
I completely understand that feeling of 'oh no not more things to add to my list of things I have to do!' Especially when you feel you've already tried so many things and nothing worked. Don't give up on yourself. It's so great that you are still asking 'how' questions. And you don't have to do anything straight away. It can be enough just to have asked. When you feel you have the energy, you can start to try new things.
It's great that you are aware that self love and self compassion may be something that's missing. When you have the energy, it will certainly be worth investing in learning more about how to be kind to yourself.
Our minds can trick us into only looking for evidence that there is nothing but suffering and loss. It's important to be able to challenge these thoughts and ask is this always true? Do you feel suffering every time you breath? Do you feel suffering every time you satisfy a physical need?
Sometimes we lose interest and energy in doing fun things because we've already given a lot of energy and focus to things that in face do not align with our values and our needs. This leaves us with nothing left in the tank.
Sometimes our energy has gone into coping behaviours to deal with trauma that we have not healed from, and these can be very exhausting to maintain. Depression can be a sign that it's time to give ourselves what we didn't have as a child when we suffered these traumas and didn't have anyone to be there for us. It can help to spend time with people who remind us that we matter, and there's nothing we have to do to earn that.
If maintaining our mental health feels like a chore, it may also be a sign that growing up we experienced a lot of pressure and expectations to perform, and had no choice in that matter. When we are exhausted from having a lifetime of doing things for others, we have nothing left in the tank to do things for ourselves. The last thing we want to do is add more expectations of ourselves, on top of what others expect of us. If anything, it can help to start to let go of expectations that don't serve you.
It can also help to ask - what do I need rest from? For example, Do I need rest from negative thinking? Do I need rest from responsibilities and obligations? Do I need rest from people? Do I need rest from physical labour? Do I need sleep? Do I need rest from junk food? Do I need rest from loneliness? Do I need rest from high expectations?
When everything feels like too much, take the pressure and expectations off yourself, and give yourself what you would give to your 6yo self, or to any young child experiencing what you are experiencing right now. It can help to bring yourself back to simply being a human being - not a set of obligations, not a job description for being an employee / spouse / parent etc, but simply a human being with a set of basic human rights.
It can be enough to simply being a human being having an experience of life, and discovering what it means to experience a range of emotions and discovering what happens when we interact with ourselves, others, and life, and learning what lifts us and nourishes us and what we enjoy, and what we don't. All of life is the art of paying attention to the full expression of who we are.
You can't fail at being a human being :). Hugs to you.
@safeharbour thank you 🙏🏽
You expressed it beautifully. Thank you for understanding. I wish we could save or bookmark some posts as am sure I will return to your words
Hugs to you