I am done with everything..... I give up and there is no more for me in this world...
I am Dave, I am 36 years old, 5'11" tall and weigh 445 pounds US measurements and I have lost about 23 pounds so far. I have no family, literally none, their are either dead or want nothing to do with me and never have, I have no friends any time I try making friends they just ghost me after a few hours. I have been single my entire life and the past 6 years have been hell in the dating scene.
I have had over a thousand rejections, had around 20 women lead me on pretend to want me pretend to want to settle down with me make a life with me, then would disappear or fake their death or call me while having sex with another guy, I have been single my entire life and the past 6 years I have tried every dating site free and paid and this is all I get. I put all my issues on a site called reddit, under their depression forum and I got berated and tore into, basically even told to end my own life. I have tried 7cups.com and had over 40 listeners block me or report me and ban me for opening up.
I have been made to feel like I don't deserve to live and like I am nothing. I literally feel unwanted and undesried and not cared for by anyone. I honestly don't know why I am still breathing at this moment, other than knowing if I try to commit suicide there are several factors of failure that can happen, one leaving me in a vegetable state which is worse than what I am living now.
All I wanted was to settle down with someone, have a good life with them and it seems like I am not allowed to have that just because of my weight which is brought on by factors outside my own control. But yet I see guys worse off than me who have it easy finding someone... I just don't know what to do anymore. This loneliness is drowning me and I don't know how much longer I can stay afloat in this severe endless darkness called loneliness.
I'm just wanting someone I can be loyal faithful too, get to know who won't ghost me or try to change me for their image they want me to be. Someone who I can eventually settle down with have an apartment with and decorate it with our favorite cartoons, movie, music, video game posters and stuff. Someone I can go to the town fair with or museum or amusement park then come back home relax watch a movie or play a video game with. Just looking for someone to get close too build a life with and be affectionate with. Lovey, dovey, kissy, snuggly with. Be romantic with to show love and compassion too and to just really give all my love too.
I am just wanting to love a woman, wake up in the morning her in my arms, me sneak out of bed, make breakfast with her kids or our kids and bring it to her. Us go to the park, lake, or just sit around the house play card/board games or do arts and crafts if she had kids or we had kids. I will want to have that night under the night sky with champagne, candles, roses, and her in my arms. To have that family that sat at the dinner table did homework or ate dinner together. Have family nights every weekend and every other weekend would have family talk night where the kids and her and I could talk and say anything openly without worry or fear of being judged by each other so the kids could have that support at home they would need. I will have that loving romantic sexy time her ontop of me with the moonlight shinning through the window and making her hair and skin glow in the moons silhouette, or having birthdays and holidays together. To have that companionship, closeness, togetherness with someone. To be able to just be next to that person and they just look at you and be smiling just because you are right there next to them and you are the reason they are smiling and the reason their eyes are twinkling.
I been told in pm many times by many redditors on my main account I deleted, i got berated and torn into on the reddit depression in pm told im a liar im just a fat worthless slob that needs to kill myself, that no woman in their right mind would want a guy who is like me and basically trash.
Sometimes I read forum posts & I've nothing of any worth to say, but feel compelled to reach out. I just want to say that I hear you & I want you to know that your post touched me.
I'm so sorry for how you are feeling & I can hear how much pain you are in.
What people said to you on other platforms is disgusting & cruel. You don't deserve to hear such monstrous comments & I deeply hope you believe that too. The world can be feel like such a callous place, but there truly are decent folk out there. I know that may not feel true given your experiences, but there really are....
Finding a good relationship isn't always an easy task & I know how disheartening it can be when you feel other people have these things come to them so easily. I'm not going to offer any platitudes or even a bunch of suggestions. I'm just going to share with you the one thing that I've learned through my own experiences, for what it's worth.
True friendship is precious & in some instances, can lead to the path to romance. But the foundations of any deep friendship takes time to build...a wee bit time here, a wee bit time there. Slowly getting to know & appreciate each other is invaluable & very rewarding. Anything that comes to us too easily can be lost just as quickly...
The above may or may not be relevant to you & I do apologise if the latter is the case.
I hope that you find even a few moments of peace today & perhaps even some hope...sometimes that's all we have in the bag. Take good care of yourself & please remember - you are enough. Love to you.
@impartialMaple4930
First of all, congratulations on the weight loss! Losing weight is extremely difficult, let alone when there are factors that make it especially taxing, that are out of your control. I read your post and the future desires you have sound very beautiful. Do you think the main hindrance between you and your dreams is getting at a healthy weight? If so, I can totally understand but the good thing is, you know where you need to start! I know it will be an uphill battle to achieve your weight goals, but you have already proven that you can lose weight. To me, that's something to feel hope in.
The main thing is, you are worthy of happiness. You are capable of change and achieving goals, just like everybody else. You just have to make those changes one step at a time. Life is not a contest and comparing yourself to others bears no goodness. Your journey in life is unique, just like you. I believe in your strength, you can do this! 
I also like how you describe how you imagine your future and what you want from life/a relationship.
So, you have those ideas of a relationship and all the things you want to do. Don't you think it would be a good goal to become a partner then who is healthy, fit and able to do all those fun things?
It's not all about looks, you know?
@ITeleportBread
So I have to become healthy and fit when there are people like Boogie2988 on youtube who is over 600 pounds and can't even walk and has many many health issues and yet he is married. But yet I have to be fit and healthy to find someone when 99% of everyone who ends up in a relationship isn't even fit or healthy themselves.
Nice advice Teleport.