I am just tired.

I have this overwhelming feeling of being tired, not physically but mentally. I find it hard to describe what exactly this feeling is. I have lost most joy in my life, except for the manufactured joy I keep up for others. That used to give me something even if it was short lived but that has also become mechanical and cold. I don't want to die, that I am sure of but I often fantasize about living in the woods completely disconnected from the human world. That fantasy is the only thing that brings me calm, a warm fuzzy feeling of neutrality.

Not sure where all this is coming from, I was such a happy child. What happened to me? What happened to the young little girl that looked at the world with curiosity and amazement instead of disgust?