Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

I can't be happy on my own

User Profile: potahtoprincess
potahtoprincess February 19th, 2019

Hey, so I'm really new to this whole thing and I've never posted a thread before but I've really been struggling with something in particular lately.

I'm extremely dependent on my boyfriend for happiness, calmness, etc. I've been dating him for a good few years now and he's always been my coping mechanism. I only see him 1-2 times a week, and lately it's been getting harder and harder to say goodbye when I have to leave him.

We have a healthy relationship, and he loves me unconditionally—he understands my anxiety and can stop me from panicking or spiraling before it even happens. He's always been incredibly supportive, even when I've gone through some deep depressive episodes. He's the only person in the entire world I trust completely, the only person I can tell literally everything to (I don't have friends like that and I don't feel that way with my parents/family).

I fall into very deep depressive episodes and my anxiety spikes when I'm not with him. For the past three months it feels like it's just been getting gradually worse every day (this has kind of always been an underlying issue as long as I've known him [even when it was just me crushing on him], but it occasionally spikes for a couple months and this is one of those times). We've talked about this together, and he's obviously not really sure how to help me. I've tried to explain it to my parents but they tell me it's "unhealthy" and to "find something else to cope with". I know it's not healthy, but I can't really get out of the mindset that I need him for happiness. I think I know I could help myself, but I just... don't want to? I don't know. For the past couple of days I've been sleeping way too much, eating way too little, not getting my homework done, etc. I'm not new to the depression thing, it's been bad before, but it hasn't been this bad in a long while. I hide it from my family, because the last time things were this bad and I let them know they were overwhelming.

I guess I'm just comfortable here. I'm comfortable staying in my bed 24/7 and crying whenever I think about how much I miss him. I don't think I want to get better. Is that normal? Normal-ish?

I don't want anyone to think I'm, like, obsessive or abusive or anything when it comes to my boyfriend. I love him. I just miss him. Constantly. And I'm having a hard time being happy on my own.

NOTE: I'm not self-harming or suicidal in any way, shape, or form. Just so nobody worries wink

2