I don't feel like I can cope anymore..

I'm not suicidal as such, but I just feel worthless, like I don't want to be alive, like I don't want to move forwards with my life anymore..

I had a fresh start last year pretty much when I started university. I settled in well at first, but as time went on, it just started to really take it's toll and not seem worth the time or money. But then I got close with a girl in my class and we got together. She made me feel really happy, really confident and just generally I took pride in myself being able to say that she was mine!

But some trouble happened then where the house she was living in just wasn't suitable for anybody sleeping rough, nevermind her paying quite a lot of rent for it, so me and my family moved her into our house. I won't deny that we got under each other's feet a little but it was nice being together. My family all love her to bits and life was looking really good.

But my life has just flipped over in the last few months. She's from another country and so I was invited to stay with her and her family for a few months. Before coming, there was a bit of a distance between us both when she got stuck into a game, but when coming all the way out here, I was just looking at how stunning she was and I felt like the first time when we weren't official, but it was a bit of a chase between us both before getting together. I don't know why that came to mind, I just felt really insecure at the time. And we've had a few arguments and things over this time, but we've got over them, we always do.

But her mum doesn't speak English, and my girlfriend has been reporting back to me that there's a lot of horrible things about me coming out of her mother's mouth. She's accused me of being mentally ill, she hates the way I look. Generally this has made me feel really worthless, and I'm still insecure about my girlfriend from before, it's 100X worse now. I feel like her mum is going to force her to leave me. She's already demanded my girlfriend moves out from me and my family's home, and is even trying to get her to quit university, all because of me. Without sounding vain because I'm far from it, I've never met a girlfriend or friend's family who have hated me so much. But she's lost friends and boyfriends because of her mum before, but she always says I'm different and she loves me too much and it's been her longest relationship (mine too)

We've been together nearly 8 months now and I love her too much to let her go. But it's starting to hit me now that I think we both are really different and maybe even want different things out of life. She's been brought up by a poor family, I've been brought up by a family who isn't rich, but they've always had the money to support me. it's just the different cultures. Her mum is trying to snatch her away from me and I'm just feeling really clingy with her and I just know I'm getting too much for her. It's only before time she realises she can do so much better than me..

I'm jealous when she talks to other guys, because I'm nothing special. She's even talking to one of my close friends now because she's lonely, and I shouldn't mind this but I do. My life is pointless without her, yet I sit here and can't enjoy the present because I worry about the future. I don't know, I'm being clingy, she's being distant and I'm having my doubts about everything at the moment. Everything is getting me down. I feel insecure about myself and the relationship, her mum hates me, I don't feel like I have a future in general.

I passed my driving test before I came here and will be getting a car when I go home, but I'm not even all that excited about it. I just can't be bothered with life..