I don't know what to do...
I haven't been cutting for 5 months. I'm SO proud of that. I want to keep it that way but I've had the WORST urges lately. I come on here to try to get help and I feel like NO ONE has any clue what to say, I get referred, or they say "don't do it, you're better than that." But I'm not, and that's what makes me feel the worst is I know I'm not better. I try to talk to the same people, but it's hard since they never come on. I'm sick of hearing "it'll be okay" because things aren't. I feel like I'm losing hope here and this was my last stop. Now I want to end my life, and cut and do all these things I stopped and I'm growing more and more tired of life, and tired of cutting, and I want the pain to stop. I want someone who actually understands me on here.
Hi Nina,
First off, I want to say that I am so proud of you for being clean5 months! I've had some addictive behaviors but the longest I ever stayed clean was 4 months.
I'm sorry that no one seems to be able to say the right things. I think that it would be helpful for you to remember why you stopped in the first place. Or possibly have an accountability partner you can call/text/etc when you feel the strong urges.
You said you don't want to cut yourself, so getting rid of any blades you have will help you to not be able to cut when you REALLY want to. Do you remember when you were at your lowest point? Do you remember when it slowly got better after that? This is the same thing. Life comes in seasons and we have to persevere through them. You have to remember that it will get better, and that cutting really isn't the answer. What does cutting do for you? You might say that it relieves pain or gives you an outlet of some sort, but cutting isn't the only solution. There are thousands of ways to distract yourself and give yourself the same release you feel when you cut. Yes, I know, I might make it sound easy, but you and I know it's not. Overcoming addiction is HARD.
Also, another strategy I've used myself is saying "If I still want to do this, I will do it in five minutes". This way you don't succumb to it right away. For whatever reason, this is what helps me the most. You wait, and sometime the urge goes away (I would feel sick and disgusted, but at least I held on), and sometimes it doesn't, but then you can tell yourself to wait another set amount of time or challenge yourself to see how long you can sit still. I know that might sound easy, but it could work.
Lastly, finding someone to just sit with helps more than anything because you can't cut in front of them.
Please message me <3