I don't think my mom will ever love me

I really love my mom. But she keeps calling me worthless, idiot, a pain. She's told me on more than one occasion that her life would be better if I was never born. I feel like I am not loved. She has been like this since forth grade. I love her but sometimes it feels like my life isn't worth anything to her. That I will only cause her pain. So much so that I wanna quit everything. And I don't even have anyone to talk to. Everyone think I'm okay and always happy, but the truth is that I feel dead inside. I feel so hurt that I'm numb.