I give up. I can't take anymore....

i suffer from ptsd, severe social anxiety, severe chronic depression, ocd, add, suicidal tendencies. severe abandonment issues. I am 450 to 480 lbs usa measurements obese and can't lose weight no matter how healthy i eat and how much i work out.

I have spent 8 years in the dating scene trying to find a woman to date and settle down with. Past 8 years I have been rejected around 4000 times and told I am ugly, disgusting, worthless, useless, told I have nothing to offer a woman or give a woman, mocked at laughed at, told I don't deserve love or a relationship, told I needed to end my life for being so fat and lazy.

Past 8 years I have been lead on by 22 women who pretended to love and want me and lead me on for 3 months or more sweet talking me telling me they love me and making plans for us then would fake their death or call me while having sex with someone or would disappear on me to never be heard from again.

I spent the past ten years trying to get my GED and go to college, but I have found out I have a learning disability that makes it hard for me to learn sometimes nearly impossible depending on how hard or difficult what I am studying is. Sometimes I just can't understand things and no matter how much it is explained or how many times it is explained in different ways I won't understand it or learn it.

I can't do normal jobs like desk jobs and such because of my issues or because I have a hard time understanding the stuff they try to teach me, not really good with people either and having severe social anxiety I can't even sit in a dr office waiting room without having severe panic attacks.