I hate my life but I love my fiance

This is kind of long, sorry

I feel so selfish for being so sad lately. I'm getting married in June and I love my fiance so much and I am genuinely happy and excited about the wedding and I love spending time with my soon to be husband (which is easy because we live together). The problem is I feel like he's the only thing I have in my life to make me happy, and that isn't fair to him.

I graduated college in May. I have always suffered from depression and even though college was full of stress and I had serious bouts of depression (wherein my grades slipped, I hurt myself, and I felt totally isolated) I managed to force myself to use the free campus therapy services and eventually get on medication which made everything a lot more manageable.

Even throughout the depressive episodes, I still loved school and loved what I was studying. I had (have) serious plans for my future which include furthering my research in anthropology and obtaining my PhD. I pushed towards this goal by completing original research, presenting at conferences, taking 5 semesters of Korean and studying abroad multiple times, all on scholarships so that no money came out of my pocket. My senior year of college, when I should have been applying for graduate school, I was convinced to wait and finish more research to strengthen my application, which I did (though I was also going through one of my worst bouts of depression so I wasn't hard to convince).

My final semester I applied to over 200 research, language, museum, library, etc. positions; basically anything that would utilize the skills I learned in my studies. After I didn't receive even a single interview, I turned to clerical, receptionist, and office positions. After I received one interview that led to a "we've decided to consider other candidates" email, I got a job at Wendy's, where I worked for a few months until I worked my up into retail, where I am now.

My bottle of Prozac ran out and, without the student clinic, I couldn't really afford to see a new doctor and renew my prescription. I'm under my parents' insurance but it's only for doctors in my home state and I couldn't afford to take off work and drive down there every month, and if they wanted me to see a therapist I was out of luck there too. So I stopped cold turkey, which was miserable. I tried keeping up with therapy but I had to go to a therapist in the neighboring town who worked on a sliding scale, then when I switched to my current retail job, my schedule was too hectic to keep up with driving an hour to therapy at a specific time on a specific day, so I stopped that too.

My fiance, who I started dating my senior year, is finishing up his PhD and teaching a couple college courses, so we are stuck in this horrible, tiny, racist, hillbilly white trash town where every day I have to deal with toothless, cigarette breath ridden, dirty people screaming in my face because they can't afford their cell phone bill and it's somehow my fault their service was shut off. It's so, so miserable but I always told myself it was temporary. I worked so hard last Fall to put together applications to PhD programs, and scholarships and fellowships and whatever else could get me back where I was happiest. All of my rejection letters came in February but one. I somehow, stupidly retained hope and stayed optimistic that the final letter would be of acceptance, even going so far as to look at local apartments, find teaching jobs for my fiance to apply to, check the weather in that town daily and dream about my future life there. But two days ago, of course, the informal rejection email came in.

I was visiting home for a few days while my fiance visited his home, and I put off my sadness while I visited family, and hung out with my closest friends (and soon to be bridesmaids). Then I made the 5 hour drive back to the desolate town I live in now, away from my friends and family, where I didn't even have my fiance to come home to, because he isn't going to be back until tomorrow. About 2 hours out I started sobbing and couldn't stop until I got home, it's a wonder I didn't wreck. The only positive thing about sinking that low that fast is by time I got home I was too exhausted and sad to hurt myself (which I haven't done in almost a year now so I'm glad I didn't ruin that).

Now I'm at work, typing this in between helping customers, and I'm miserable. To make things even worse, my company is on a hiring freeze and my coworkers have all quit, so now it's just me and my manager. So I am going to have to work alone every day I work, meaning no breaks, and only have one day off a week. I wish I had other options but in this horrible town it's this or fast food or other retail that pays less than this retail job.

My fiance is applying to other schools for next year to teach at, and I feel bad for it but I'm hoping that his current school doesn't rehire him. This area is killing me and I can't live here any more. I want to move to an area with other opportunities for me and things to do that I don't have to drive over an hour to get to. But last year he didn't hear back from schools until the summer and the only school that gave him an offer is the one he's currently at offering to rehire him. If that's what happens again this year I'll be devastated. Regardless, I don't know what to do with myself in the months I'll have to wait for him to hear back, wondering if my situation will last only a few more months or for well over a year, at least.

I've tried wrapping myself up in wedding planning but I'm all caught up and there's nothing left to do. I'm excited for our wedding but then what? What if it means just moving back to this same life in this same town with a new ring on my finger? I'd be miserable. But I love him with all of my being and I'd be even more miserable anywhere else without him. I'm hoping too I can reapply for PhD programs and get accepted next year but if not I'd have to aim for a masters, which would be unfunded, which means more loans and then balancing another horrible job with being a full time student. I can't go into any further debt. So then what? Save up for 5, 10 years? What if we have a family by then, and I'm too busy? Let the kids grow up, another 10 years, then I'm in my 40s? I know that's extreme and pessimistic thinking but I just felt like my applications were my last hope and now that I've been rejected I don't know what to do. I wish I could see my therapist again but it's less of an option than ever now that I have to work all the time because I only have one coworker (manager, who can schedule himself whenever and subsequently leave whenever he wants). I've considered trying to see a doctor and get meds again but the adjustment is so hard, then when I'm married I'll be insuranceless again and have to stop taking them cold turkey again and I can't go through that.

TL;DR- College graduate in a dead end retail job where she's the only employee, works constantly, and has to deal with horrible customers daily just got rejected from all of the grad schools she applied too, feels like she should be happy because she's getting married but instead just cries a lot and doesn't know what to do with her life.