I have no friends and it’s killing me

I don’t really make friends so easily and normally I’m fine being alone all the time but I’m getting to a place where it’s hard to feel motivated to continue doing anything if I’m just going to always be alone. Why accomplish anything if there’s no one to share it with. It just makes me feel like I don’t really belong anywhere. I don’t fit in with straight people and I feel like the gay community isn’t as welcoming as they claim to be and I’m gay too! I have all these thoughts in my head and I don’t think anyone even understands me or wants to get to know me. I feel like just…. Making myself go away. No one will miss me I feel like. The people who I’ve known before have left me with some really bad trauma and I don’t know how to trust anyone with the things I think and how I feel. I feel like ghosting my therapist because she is the only one I talk to for real and that’s not enough. I think I’m becoming unhealthy attached to her. She’s the only consistent thing in my life right now besides my job and my job has to stay in tact because I have no family to support me if I ever fell by the wayside with work. Thats all the energy I can muster. Work and home. I don’t drink anymore and the only real places to meet people my age are the bars and heavily packed places and I just can’t go into places like that. I’ll panic. I’m panicking now just thinking about socializing with anyone. I just don’t think I’m interesting enough for people. Anyway. I just feel like a useless human being and I have no real reason to stay around.