I’m dumb and I need help

my mental health is deteriorating and it’s destroying me. I feel this horrible dread about myself everyday I wake up. I feel like I don’t deserve happiness. I feel like I don’t have enough energy to befriend others or work on projects anymore. Im actually afraid of going outside my house. I get irritated over everything. I get toxic with my friends. I put myself down all the time. I am embarrassed with everything I do or have ever done. I’m scared I’m not good enough for any jobs despite having a bS in business. I’m scared that I’m not going to be skilled enough. I went from being an energetic and positive social butterfly to a loser who stutters while making a mc donald’s order. I’m 22 lol.

depression and anxiety basically.

If there is anything I want the most, is to have a strong healthy mind.

Other related rant:

I’ve actually been super annoying lately. Like a strict and emotional pregnant mother.

got into a fight with my boyfriend of 6 years today because I’m insecure and possessive. I thought “omg he hasn’t messaged me today yeah I should block him on everything because I’m a worthless waste of annoying space and I should be single forever so I don’t feel anymore” but now he’s mad at me and I regret it a lot. I feel reallly dumb, Childish and immature. And that was immature! I said sorry but he’s still mad and he’s not going to talk to me for a while. Maybe days. 😅😭 I know I should give him space. Im kind of addicted cuz he makes me so happy. But ofc everyone needs space. I am big cry and I’m so dumb and this whole situation is dumb. I just wish I wasn’t so weak minded. I wanna make people around me happy like back then. I wish I was confident, you know? I could be so successful right now but I’m ruining myself and my family is low key disappointed in me 😫 I would love for help regarding my insecurity and low productive energy ❤️❤️ Hope everyone feels better about their issues