I need some advice plz!!
I'm 32 yo male. My 20s were hard and I worked at a place for 10 years were I was ridiculed for every mistake I made. I was put down by friends talking behind my back and some random people who worked there telling me I sucked. I was thrown into this job so I had to learn on my own from mistakes. All this made me become very paranoid and feeling I was the center of the world because I felt all these people lived for me to just screw up. This sucked on top of having anxiety and depression I laid at bed at night scared I will make another mistake or I will go into work and be put down once again by co workers and friends. Well I left at 28 years old and got a new job. It's been 4 almost five years since I left and I love my new job. I have been able to become a better worker and learn the right way and not be know as a screw up for the most part. I just can't move on from the anger and grudges I have for those people at my old job. Even though it's been years I still think about them every day of my life and get so depressed and angry. I feel like they still think and talk about me. In a selfish way I feel like I'm the center of the universe and I want that to stop. I hate feeling like that and wish I could let go of those bad times in my life. Please can anyone help?
@Frank88
Hi Frank,
It's difficult for me to imagine what you went through. I simply don't have the patience nor the discipline to withstand working with people who would treat me with contempt. Yet, you were able to function with these difficulties, for years.
I don't think these memories will completely go away. They will come back. However, you can decide how you will assess and process them. I would suggest focusing on the positive aspects of your experience. Because you were able to go through this, it also means that you were dedicated to your job to stay there so long. You had to be tenacious and be strong-willed to withstand that. Somehow, there is a fortress inside you.
As time goes by, our memories change a bit - they're dynamic - and intertwined with the emotional state we were in, during that moment. Could it be that you are re-experiencing those emotions with a different focus? Are you concerned this could happen again, considering you are happy were you work? It sounds like they were creating impossible conditions for you to adjust - while taking advantage of your good nature. Today, it's improbable that they are thinking about you - their deficiencies are costing them and now they have to deal with this. Your best retaliation is to enjoy yourself, cultivate peace, and work on your happiness.
I think this experience made you stronger. If you expect respect from others, then you do value and understand respect and would naturally tend to respect others, including yourself. Would it be possible for you to perceive these memories in a more neutral state, letting them pass by, like water on a river?
I'm not very good at giving advice (and I don't know you) but I wish you peace of mind and the best development with your new team. Anger is a mature reaction to injustice. Journal about it, seriously. Start writing today and reflect on it. Because of the state of our society, it can be difficult to adjust, but easily and quickly adjusting to a problematic social group could also be questionable. So know that you've made great stride since then. Also, somewhere in your mind, you are accepted, unconditionally.
@Frank88
Hi, Im Day
I know how damaging verbal abuse can be but i also learned the damage can slow down or even stop when we focus on the good things we have to be greateful for. My dad kept it simple when he used to say " dont let it rent space in your head" .The most important thing we must learn is to advocate for ourselves and better self care as you are at the center of your own universe and your destiny is in your reach if you keep reaching for the positive. We all have that past that will haunt us if we allow it to. Dont let any negative have your control, stay focused. Blessings, Day