Is it normal for someone who is depressed to push away only one person?
I'm personally not depressed, but my best friend is.
I know it's quite common for those struggling with depression to push away people they love, however my best friend only ever pushes me away. At the same time, I am also the only person she opens up to and she has said to me before that I feel like her only home and that she feels safe and at peace when we're together. But she also goes through periods of several weeks where she will be incredibly cold and sometimes outright hostile to me. She will be her same sweet and normal self with her other friends and family.
She says that she is afraid of how well I know her and she wants to be able to act as though everything is normal without me seeing through her. She also recently said that she hated how I kept clinging on to this friendship (this is during her current period of coldness). But, in the past, she had also said that she felt as though everyone around her is giving up on her, so I promised I would never do that.
I know that she is likely also feeling very easily irritated at this moment, but is it normal for her to only target me? Because I am the closest to her?
When she is in a good period, she is the sweetest and most caring friend. I love her more than anything and just want to help, but I feel so helpless. I also can't help but get angry sometimes (especially at the clingy comment), but I don't show it to her. I try not to take it personally, because I know she's suffering, but she only does this to me.
@cyanSummer7275
Heya ! Thank you for sharing !
First of all, I want to say that its amazing how supportive of your best friend you are! Shes really lucky to have you!
Everyone is different so of course we dont react the same and dont think the same, but I'd like to share my experience. Unfortunately when were depressed, we sometimes tend to hurt the ones we love the most and the ones that love us the most. Its only based on my experience, but she may not be targeting you in particular. Its just that when were very depressed, its easy to put an act and look okay in front of people that dont know us, but much harder to fake it in front of people who know us really well. So she may not want to lie to you about how she is feeling, but as the same time shes just not okay so she cant fake it and its easier to push you away rather than explaining how shes feeling, especially since sometimes youre just not feeling okay and you cant explain it. On top of that, she may feel like she doesnt deserve how supportive you are, because she gets cold and cant control it yet youre here being an amazing friend and supporting her, not giving up like others.
There are really a lot of reasons why could be pushing you away and I hope you can take it not personally! I really hope I could provide you with a clear insight both from a depressed person and from a friend of a depressed person, since Im experiencing both haha! Something that helped me handle things better with my friend getting cold due to depression, is to talk to her about it once she was in a better mood. That way she may tell you herself that its nothing personal and maybe if she knows that it makes you angry, you could agree on something like her warning you that its nothing personal but its a hard time right now or something like that, plus that way you could know her own reasons and be able to support her better during these times so you feel less helpless!
Sorry, this was long but its a situation on which I could relate a lot so I wanted to give you an insight as clear as I could manage to get it, I hope this helps!
Take care x
~ Waves
@LinearWaves
Thank you for this. It really does help.
Talking to her when she's in a better mood really does seem to be the best thing to do, since that's what we always used to do. After a few weeks, she would finally open up again and thank me for not giving up and explain kind of how she was feeling. You are almost exactly spot on with most of what she said to me (about feeling as though she doesn't deserve my friendship, etc).
But I'm scared that this time it's different/worse. This time she seems more angry and impatient, and I had gotten quite hurt and a little angry as well and pushed for her to talk to me, which made the whole situation worse. But I understand that it could be because she's feeling scared as well, so now I just feel really regretful.
I'm trying to give her space but still occasionally texting her and asking how she is and making small talk so she knows that I'm still around. Hopefully she will feel up to having a proper conversation about this later... I'm afraid that if I keep pushing this then our relationship will just deteriorate even more and that she'll feel worse.
@cyanSummer7275
Some times depression just gets worse, I don