It always goes bad

My life was going good for once I have a job a place to stay I'm saving money and yet no matter what I do I just feel like I'm fucking up still. I mean no matter what I'm doing it's just never good enough and what's messing with me the most is I'm getting suicidal again and I haven't been for years and it's just freaking me out how badly the thoughts charming me

I'm just feeling alone fucked up and hopeless and I'm sick of the pain

I'm not usually the type to ask for help but this is getting to the point of changing who I am and I just can't suffer anymore...I'm sorry for the ranting idek if I did this thing right