I think i'm drowning..
I've had depression for a long time growning up in my teen to adult years. I knew that I wanted to get better, I knew I had a problem, and I knew that I couldn't do it alone, which gave me the motivation and courage to finally try a medication fit to helping me. I was prescribed [MonBon removed medication name] for about 3 months and surprisingly noticed some good results.. I didn't seem as depressed as I used to but I did however notice I was becoming more fatigued. My doctor let me know before I even started that the medication itself would do so to me for a few weeks but if it was the right fit, I would soon see better results and the 'sleepiness' would go away. Well weeks past, then three months and those effects weren't wearing off. I began noticing my behavior change from a happy person to no emotion. I soon didn't have a desire to do anything, and even at one point would have dreams at night where I was fatigued. Long story short I stopped taking [MonBon removed medication name] and was gaining good energy again but now a year later the depression is coming back but harder. I just feel sad all.the.time. I can't even go to bed without waking up around 3am and wanting to cry. I'm losing hope, faith, and happiness all together and don't want to take another medication because of fear I'll turn into a grey blob again. It was also very difficult after stopping the medication with the terribly side effects that followed. I feel like i'm drowning. I take walks, talk to family and friends but feel weak.
@Kelmich1333
What you're feeling is a normal response in depressed people. Often we're able to get out of bed and we try to do things that used to make us happy, we try to do what we can to improve but inside we just feel like we're drowning. Lifestyle changes are often used as a treatment for mild depression but yours sounds more intense than that.
I understand the fear of medication, particularly after you had a negative experience once before. Perhaps you can instead look into other treatment like different types of therapy. Alternatively, you can try a different medication because there are lots out there and not all of them will affect everyone in the same way or work for everyone. I think the most important thing to remember is that there's lots of options out there for you. You're not alone and you don't have to live like this. Don't let fear stop you getting the help you deserve. Good luck 
