I've been crying as I typed this
I dont have any friends. I used to, but they werent very good people, so either I dropped them or they dropped me. I havent had friends in over 3 years. Now it is SO incredibly lonely. I dont have anyone to talk to, really. My depression crying attacks have become more frequent. I know I need help, and I've been calling and calling all over the tri-city area, no one is available. I dont know what else to do. I promised someone I wouldnt self-harm, and that's the only thing keeping me from it, but without that outlet, it feels like one less option. Ive just been crying and crying because I tried talking to an old friend tonight, and he blew me off to go talk to a more popular girl we used to know, right in the middle of our conversation. He wanted me to wait until he got back, but I said no. It was already 10pm, I wasnt about to wait up for him to finish talking to somebody who's clearly more important than me. So I logged off and cried.
I just kept thinking, why does this hurt so much, especially considering you aren't surprised? That depression voice in my head started saying things like "of course you're not surprised, why would he want to talk to you? Just look at you, your hair makes your head look big, your eyes are all red, and have you actually GAINED weight? Of course no one talks to you, you're a mess! You were a nobody then and you're still a nobody!"
People can be jerks, heck. That's an understatement. People can be ASSHOLES. I've learned from experience. All you have to do is think about how great your future is going to be. Think about how many friends you'll make when you get that awesome job you've always wanted. Think about how cool your first apartment is going to be. Think about happy things. Being depressed and lonely can really hurt your ego. Now go eat some cupcakes and inflate that ego with sugar and a HUUUUGEscoop of chocolate frosting on top. Enjoy the little things. Stay happy! Sending love and prayers your way!
The depression voice can be absolutely awful @JayReneeOffl - I'm with you there❤ It sounds to me like you're doing an incredible amount to keep it at bay - you've recognised that the friends you used to have weren't good enough for you and you have the strength to resist the urge to self harm. I call that a pretty big achievement.
That must have been so tough on you, having your friend stop chatting when you needed him the most - he did want to keep talking to you though, and the person who made you promise not to self harm - they sound like they both care about you a great deal, even if they couldn't be there when you needed them the most.
And if it helps: I think your hairis lovely❤ I hope today is going better for you than last night did
I have been in that hole as well, the one where no one is in your corner. When no one is there, no resource, and you need to talk. Please, browse the listeners (upper left hand corner) using keywords and ratings, and find someone that you would be interested in chatting with. I do hope you can find a listener that will NOT get up and leave you and will support you through your time if need.
I wish you the best, and yes, it does get better. Read my profile; it gets a whole lot better.
I still have my loving family. I have my three beautiful cats. I have my beautiful books. I'm responsible and I've to a lot of A's back in college. People said that I'm brave. I am fortunate. However, I am still not happy and I don't want to live anymore. I've been crying a lot because I also keep hearing hurtful opinions from other people including one of my family members. I get yelled at all the time. It's not fair. I am nothing but trouble. So, maybe I should die.
I miss my friend very badly who supported me in my tough times but he is no more with me now. usually this is the time we chat daily till midnight, but now it seems like all empty. It feels like one part of the body has been detached so. I didn't miss the chats but miss my friend, and none could take his place. Feeling broken
