I've hit my lowest point
I really don't want to get in to everything that's happened. But to sum it up: been bullied all through life, no friends, no boyfriend, no social skills failing college, and just generally depressed and not liking life. I finally opened up to a couple of people about having suicidal thoughts. One told me to get over it. The other told me to just do it. I've realized that life is all about being tough and people will not care about you and will even insult you if you're not. I no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've already been told that no one cares. So yeah, I've hit the lowest point in my life, and I don't see myself lasting much longer.
@discreetDog5579
Sorry to you went through all of that, cant imagine how it felt for you, life can be really unfair for some people, sadly most people just pretend to care, and most dont care, when we see someone whom we think they do care, and we find its the other way around, we lose a bit of hope to find a caring person, but some do care, not just pretending to care, there is no way for us to find hem, unless we do risk having some fake people in our lives, the light at the end of the tunnle do exist, maybe we can help you see it, So far youve survived 100% of your worst days. Youre doing great.
@discreetDog5579 You're right. Life is all about being tough. And yes, people will not care. I've spent years telling myself the same lies, this too shall pass, the right person will come along and everything will be alright. It was bullshit. The truth is, life is hard and you have to be harder. When I finished high school, I felt so bad I literally couldn't get out of my own house without having a panic attack. I once lost control of what the hell I was doing and started bashing my head against the wall, so hard that I blacked out and I don't remember even being in the hospital. That was my lowest point. After that I decided to see a psychiatrist. I've been in therapy for three years now. It's hard, especially when I have to take medication. But I still do it. I started college and I'm behind with many exams, there are people in my classes that are so evil, both in class and on social media. I can hear them talking shit behind my back, pitting people I don't even know against me, laughing at me if I get an answer wrong in class. Calling me names on social media, throwing shade and even joking about my mental health (because I've always been open about the fact that I have anxiety). They called me a psychopath and a potential serial killer. Asking who let me out of the, quote, nuthouse. These people hurt me every day and their words are like cuts on my chest but I cannot let them destroy me. At home, my own mother gives me hell because of my mental illness. But I cannot let her destroy me. I have been through hell, and because of that I deserve to get better. I deserve to have a better life. This is why I started treatment, this is why I go to therapy, this is why I take my medication. I blocked all of the people who were insulting me on social media. If they say something about me and I hear it, I snap back. Because I'm no one's punching bag. And you are neither. What you should do, if you want advice from someone who has been there, is make your mental health a priority. See a psychiatrist and be completely honest with them about how you feel and how long you've been feeling this way, what might be triggering suicidal thoughts, etc. If they give you medication, I think it's only fair to warn you that it will get worse before it gets better. But you have to push through. You cannot let them get you like this. I made the mistake of wasting all my teenage years crying because of people like them. And I still cry every now and then. But after some time I dry my eyes and I remind myself the reason why I should not let them get to me. That's because they are not important. They are little people, and I'm bigger than them. I'm bigger because even though I'm fighting with monsters, I did not let myself become a monster. I remind myself that I am the reason why I am getting better. And that's because I chose to get better, and when the first attempt didn't go well, I tried a second time, and a third, and a fourth. I did not give up even though I wanted to. That's what you have to do. And about college, honestly, who cares? You can take a year off and get a job. You wouldn't be the first person, nor the last. If you find yourself in a negative environment that triggers your suicidal thoughts, get out as soon as you can. The light at the end of the tunnel is there, but you have to be the one to turn it on. Nothing will change unless you take matters into your own hands. That is what I had to do to save myself. It was hard then and it is hard now. I still have a long way to go but I will keep going even when I'm too weak or too angry because I owe it to myself. Please fight for your life. You deserve a good life. Let the right people help you.
@discreetDog5579 I'm sorry that you've had such a rough life. You aren't responsible for the abuse that you went through. I can understand. I was bullied, moved around quite frequently as a child, have been homeless, suffered a lot of forms of abuse, and have been hospitalized for suicial ideation as well as an attempt. In no way am I going to give you the line to just keep suffering and "it gets better". I'm going to tell you to do a miracle. Have you looked into self help resources. Here are some that I think might get you started:
https://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/taking-leave-absence-what-you-need-know
If you're feeling suicidal, please get some professional help. Call a crisis line https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines call 911, or go to you're closest emergency room. Does your campus have a counseling center? Maybe look into that as well.
Stay safe.
@discreetDog5579 I've sort of been there so I understand what you mean, and let me tell you: this will pass. Life comes at you in phases, where change happens as time passes. Something amazing and life-changing could be around the corner, and you ending your life only to have something amazing happen the next day would be something to regret. I know I tried to find things to hold onto when I was going through my personal suicidal point, and it helped. I hope things turn out all right for you. You will make it through this. I believe in you.
You don't have to believe me, but I care about you. I can see how you're so lonely there wondering why you have no one to go through this life with. I can see how hard you're fighting, you're already trying with everything you have in you just to get through it, just to survive the isolation and sadness. I can see how you opened up to others, that maybe you just said things in a normal tone of voice, but that inside you were screaming at the top of your lungs for someone to come help you and then the only responses you got were callous and spiteful. I can see how you much life has disappointed you. You stopped looking for the light at the end of the tunnel because you're tired of being disappointed. You say no one cares because it hurts too much to open up and then have people spit poisonous words in your face. I don't know the answer for why living has to be so hard for some but look so easy for others. All I can say is I can be your company in your misery. I've been stuck at a low point so I can't pull you up but maybe you can stand on my shoulders and be lifted from this sorrow. If that even makes any sense. I can't change anything that's happened to you but I'll listen to anything you want to say. Then, maybe you'll believe me when I tell you that even though I don't know you, I care about you.