Just Depression

For the past 2 years of my high school life Ive had depression, made some mistakes and have lost a lot of friends. If I ever tell anyone about depression they soon later push me away, I feel like a mess, a freak and like I dont belong, ive even tried suicide several times. My parents see me cry every day and I Just have to tell them its fine Im just emotional. For my whole life going back to preschool to now grade 9 I have been bullied too and still my parents are unaware, I would like to tell them the thing is I feel like im a disappointment and I dont want them to see me as a whole new person.

i just I need help