Just need to talk

I was diagnosed with MDD back in 2003, and after an intense outpatient therapy for 6 months, and many years of Prozac and counselling, I've managed to get a handle on my disorder and live a relatively happy life.

I started my final year of nursing school this past August, and managed to get one daughter graduated from high school, get another started in high school, get married and maintain a 4.0 gpa.

Now I'm in the psych portion of my clinical rotations. These take place in an inpatient facility. The patients are very ill and I empathize with each and every one of them. Some of them remind me of me all those years ago, and to be honest, I've had to excuse myself and go cry in the ladies room a few times. So there's that..these memories of some of the darkest period of my life being replayed.

On top of this, my husband works a lot of OT since I really cannot work and attend school full time. There is no part time in this portion of my schooling. He's a cop, and our hours are so skewed. Really the only time we can see one another is on his days off, but those are the days I'm in school, and he takes extra jobs.

This week is spring break, and I want to use the time to get a good spring cleaning done, as well as study for an exam that I have to take the day after break is over. Plus I have a final project to start working on. Also I turn 48 on the 19th. I'm tired all of the time, and I just know that I will end up being the only one doing the spring cleaning because the kids will bitch about it all, do it wrong and I just don't have the energy to fight with them.

I know all of this sounds petty. But I feel myself starting to feel the way I felt back in 2003 when I had my breakdown. I don't have a counselor anymore, and my family doc manages my Prozac. I've made an appointment to see him and have my dose adjusted up, I'm sure he'll have a referral to a counselor for me as well, but tonight I'm just so, so depressed.

So I googled, found y'all and just wanted to whine to people that understand and will call me out, if I need it.

Thanks for reading this far.