Losing a friend
I got into another fight with my friend. Its the same kind of fight we've had often. I struggle with depression and really just don't care anymore. I know that I'll care later...at some point...I think. Right now, I know I should apologize and try to put things behind me but I'm just so exhausted and rung out I just don't care. I really don't have many friends (I could probably count them on one hand) so I hate to lose any...but things feel so hard with her. I'm just tired of fighting, I'm tired of feeling like I can't ever do anything right with her, that I have to walk on eggshells, that she never listens to me. I'm sure she feels the same, but I don't know why I have to apologize when she's the one doing all the fighting.
@writerchick88
It sounds like a lopsided friendship in the description and those aren't often that healthy. Talking on eggshells isn't a good situation to be in constantly. If she makes you feel bad (not to be confused with depression talking sort of thoughts which aren't proof of friends intentions) and isn't appologetic or making ammends for it somehow it may be time to cut losses.
@CoinFountain First off, thank you for the hug. It's always nice to recieve a lifeline when you're feeling upset.
The only reason why I stick it out is because I know it'll blow over- we've had fights like this (too many times) before. Just as I have anxiety and depression, she has her own struggles with certain mental health issues...so its hard for me to write her off as a shitty friend when I know its kind of not really her fault.
It feels unfair somehow to dismiss her because of emotions she can't control. There's one thing I've always stood by in my friendships and that is that I can't fault you for how you feel, because if we could control emotions, life would be very different. That being said, I'm also tired of the fact that her emotions get to rule our friendship. Like right now, she's not talking to me because she feels underappreciated and how maybe after a few days I'll really see.
I know if she really does disappear, I will REALLY miss her and I'll always regret not trying to fix things (not to mention I know going forward, she's going to be walking around, talking about how shitty of a person I am and how I hurt her so deeply and that REALLY bothers me)...but maybe she's right? Maybe I'm the shitty one and we're better off not being friends because then we won't have to deal with each other's shit.
@writerchick88
I hope things get sorted so that neither of you feel too bad about things.
@writerchick88
*offers hugs*