Low self esteem and depression getting worst...
Since I was growing up I was considered kinda cute(aren't all kids?). However I've always been considered, specially nowdays , as the "brain" of the family. I'm not even that naturally briliant but I'm a massive hard worker in my studies, while my sister is the opposite. She's very creative and genuinly dead gorgeous.
I'm 4'10, very pale, wear glasses, don't have the best skin (due to anxiety) and overal my body is really tiny... Also I tried makeup but I'm THE WORST at it.
While my sister is super curvy, really tall for her age, her face is super symetric and adorable and she wears makeup.
This to adress what happened today. I've been feeling really down and I told my mum I didn't go shopping yesterday due to my low self esteem recently. She told me "we aren't all the same. Your sister is that way and you are smart".
It killed me. I know she meant well but I'm sick and tired for 22 years just being smart. Just that. That's all I am to people.
While my sister is showered with love and people go "aww" at her creativity, spontaneous and happy personality, and good looks.
I love my sister to dead. But I'm tired of living under her shadow. I'm 22 , she's 16. She's always called the older sister by others simply because she looks more of a woman than me. And on her shoes I get she hates being called stupid by people and only me being called smart.
But this is killing me... is making my depression just go worst and worst... What should I do in this situation?
WHat can I do make myself happier and accept myself?
@Booklover95 Hi - I'm sorry you are having a hard time with self-esteem. It's really common with depression for all of our shortcomings to seem bigger than they are, and our strengths to seem less significant. In general, comparing yourself to others is going to end up poorly, because comparing your insides to other people's outsides is a losing game. It sounds like it's a particular sensitivity concerning your sister, since it's something you have been dealing with your entire life.
I also grew up more bookish and studious, and wasn't terribly gifted with girly-girl things. I'm older now, and have settled into my own sense of style and found a makeup routine that works for me. It's really important to know that this isn't something that you are doomed to be forever less-than at. Look at any makeover show and you'll see that. :)
My advice to you would be to embrace a growth mindset. You can learn about it at mindsetonline.com , or read Carol Dweck's book Mindset. Here's the basic idea: With a fixed mindset, you see your capabilities as being set. You are "smart," or you are "unathletic." The fixed mindset says that your talents are just what they are, and that you don't have the ability to grow much beyond them. The growth mindset, on the other hand, embraces that you are able to learn and grow at anything with effort. Dweck has done massive amounts of research that show the astounding results possible when people embrace a growth mindset.
Interestingly, her research started with children and math problems. She gave the children all the same math questions, and then divided them into two groups. One group was told that they must have worked really hard on the problems. The other group was told that they must be very smart. Then they were offered another set of problems, and offered an easier or harder set. The kids who were told they were smart chose the easy ones, and the kids who were congratulated on working hard chose the hard ones and embraced the challenge.
So yeah, it might be a challenge to be more social, or to put makeup on, or develop your personal style... But these are all skills you can learn, if you want to. :)
@ThisIs543
damn that was really interesting! Never saw things through that perspective, really enlightening actually.
I'll keep doing my best and take your words to help me :)
Thank you.
@Booklover95 I'm glad it was helpful. :)