My 7 Cups Dream Journal
Entry 1: The Boxes of Cats
It was a little strange but what I remember most is visiting a house that was in my old neighborhood that I’d recently moved from (it really wasn’t, so dream logic) but I came back to collect something I left or my mother left.
It was very sad and the people who were there now were sort of okay with me wandering around and looking. I kept noticing the signs that I’d once lived there (painted over places that still revealed chipped paint and stuff I recognized from my apartment).
Then I looked beneath a couch or table and found boxes full of kittens. Two boxes were full of meowing kittens in water that the new home owners had no idea were there, and one more box held a very dead cat that was an older one from a previous litter. All of the kittens were starving without their mother and I knew that it was the reason why the older one passed.
The new owners suddenly smelled the dead cat and I took it upon myself to get rid of it. When I came back an hour later all of the kittens were gone, and when I was walking past another house I could see all the kittens. They’d all grown up into adult cats!
So I am sorry about the plumbing leak but you did manage to catch it. It also looks like the plumber is doing do diligence in looking for mold. Yes, it can spread quickly but that doesn't mean that it will this time.
But I know how these things can seem even more catastrophic when everything else is in chaos. I also know the back pain quite well.
Getting out to walk is good. Some ice, heat and rest can also help a bit. It's good you were able to come up with something that you did for yourself. What did you do today? Recognition of those small things is critical. I was able to get more rest today on the new mattress and finish all my back exercises.
It was another long day with a plumber. I just couldn’t take the amount of water coming from my ceiling. It turns out that the guy who lived above me until last month had some damages- a leaking sink and the wrong things in the toilet tank making it continuously leak water too.
Plumber said that I’d had at least 6 months worth of damage judging by how wet the drywall was. Mine had the consistency of oatmeal.
He had to rip open my ceiling above the shower, made a massive mess with all the water that came out and I’m pretty sure the towel I loaned him to clean up and keep the floor dry was thrown out by the cleaning people who came by to clean and prepare the area for next steps.
There’s a machine in there now to dry out the room. It’s got a zippered plastic door way and after everyone was gone I tried it out because I really needed to use the bathroom after such a long day- I had to grab my umbrella to protect myself from the droplets of water still falling from the open ceiling.
I’ll have an air purifier till Monday or Tuesday.
I’m so very tired.
I think my good thing for today was my effort to get the ceiling seen to. It was awful but I kept worrying that it was going to be my fault if the damage spread. Not because I caused the damage but because of my inaction.
I’m a little freaked out that so much is going to have to be fixed, but I’d prefer that to my house being moldy
I understand the freak out. You are totally okay with being concerned because you can't tell yet where things are going. But know that you are dealing with things as quickly as possible. Rebuilding will happen slowly. You have done nothing wrong.
We had a similar issue a few years back and it was stressful. But when things were finally fixed it was so much better. It is a patience thing.
You continue to write good things for the day even when all feels off. Good job! Keep it up.
Mondays right now are unbelievably long (usually 12 hours at school) so my good thing for today is surviving it and not having to teach my final class too much because career services came in to do a presentation. @integrityblues
I’m glad to hear that you got a bit of a teaching break because of career services!
I took my mom to the cardiologist today to have her cardiac monitor sticker put on. It was a challenge the minute I came by because she forgot I was coming by then tried to back out. I refused but still sat with her and shared my hot caramel macchiato.
I got her there and even though my mom tried to get out of it twice the monitor was put in place. When we were on our way out I told her that we should give the monitor a nickname to make it less scary- she decided to call it Snoopy because it was snooping over her heart rate. She had to hear the explanation twice to understand that they hadn’t fit her with a tracking device.
I was only able to do small things after the appointment. I got her a prescription, a grocery order, cleaned up an accidental mess she’d made in the kitchen when she spilled a lot of instant coffee in the sink/floor and it got wet and sticky.
I have to go back tomorrow for the hematology appointment and laundry. Wednesday is a dental appointment. I’ve got the plumbers again on Thursday so I’ll either ask to reschedule my job development meeting or change it to a phone meeting.
Oh, and my sister didn’t even show up to the initial hearing for her baby.
You did a great job handling your mom. She got the device that she needed and even the joy of naming it. Very creative!
You will get her through the next few hurdles. It sounds like lots of planning which you are really good at.
Sorry about your sister. That doesn't sound too surprising. I bet they find someone who can really love on that baby. It will work out. @integrityblues
This week has been terrible. Tuesday my mom made a huge mess while on the toilet that led to me having to help her shower her lower half (with her new monitor she has to wait a day or so to take a real shower).
I also had to wipe her as she didn’t clean herself thoroughly. Because of all of that we had to reschedule her hematology appointment- I ended up sticking around to do a load of laundry and go shopping.
Today’s dentist appointment was okay. My cavity was drilled and filled. I went to bakers group after and got there in time to help roll out the dough for kolaches.
I’d called my sister yesterday and she said the court date was moved to next month. She doesn’t know where the baby is or if she can see her, she said her boyfriend left her, but she’s adamant that she wants to keep the baby. Might have to go to rehab but I don’t know if she will.
My mom spoke to me yesterday about my half brother, one of two that were given up for adoption when very young, and that he was contacted by my sister and now he wants to help her. I don’t know what’s going to happen.
The plumbers have just informed me that the work will continue and that they’ll do their best to keep me informed for the times I’ll lose the use of most of my bathroom.
My head is killing me. I’m going to try really hard to relax
I can imagine how overwhelming it all feels.
Cleaning up after your mom is no fun and then having to reschedule that appointment. I am glad you got to do at least a little with the baking group.
Give the saga with your sister continued time to work itself out. She will be unable to have the baby just because she wants it. She is going to have to prove that she has the mental and physical resources to care for it properly. That will take a lot on her part.
And the plumbing stuff does take time.
But your life will feel less chaotic eventually. I know it doesn't feel like it right now. Continue to look for those peaceful moments like the baking group and finding time for you.
I am right here listening. Writing down the stresses really helps. @integrityblues
Thanks so much.
Things got worse for my repair- I was told that I’d need to go the day before last because the treatment was going to be unpleasant for me to sit through. Then they told me that I’d also not have access to the toilet, too, so double good reason to be going to my mom on Friday anyway.
So I left and told management what I was told, amended my first message saying I had a prior obligation with my mom and they’d have to let the plumbers in, and adding that they’d absolutely have to because I’d be gone starting that evening because I wouldn’t be able to use the toilet.
I got a reply back the next morning saying that they didn’t have my key, know my lockbox code, or knew if I had one- that I needed to give them 24 hours notice which was idiotic because this was an emergency I’d only just learned about the day before.
I had to go all the way back to let the plumbers in late, to look and see if I had another spare key, or whatever. I ended up having to get a spare key cut from the one I wore on a lanyard around my neck. I left it with them, they’d put it in the master lockbox so they could get in and out over the weekend and Monday. I was so depressed and angry at the situation that I didn’t bother to take more shots with me as they’re sensitive to temperature and it’s hard to travel with them during another heatwave.
I also learned I started my period once so was gone from the rest of my supplies. I only had a small amount on me. I was going to get some more pads at least, but then my mom wasted her own money on weed when what she really needed were diapers.
So I’m going to use what little I have on me to pay for diapers and some cheap pads. If I’m lucky I’ll get my IHSS this week
I am so sorry that the frustrations keep building.
It will be better to be away from the house during the plumbing repairs, but you deserved more notice. I hope that they have been able to get some more stuff done.
And getting your cycle makes everything worse. I hope that your mom has been behaving herself a bit over the last few days and your weekend has been a little more peaceful. It's not fun to have that money stress on top of everything else.
But you can get through this one step at a time. My weekend has also been a bit chaotic but I try not to look at the pile and just at the task in front of me. Rest will come eventually for both of us. @integrityblues
It got worse.
The day before my neighbor texted me saying he’d seen my portable washer get left outside by someone working in my apartment, that it had been moved again to the alley, then it disappeared while my neighbor was gone. I was so angry and sad!
I’d already needed to go back to get more period supplies and all of my medicines in case I was staying here any longer. I got in to find that my washer was back inside but had obviously been moved.
I got my supplies and meds. The plumbers never texted back because I accidentally texted my manager instead. He sent them a message too, and I apologized in a text to them too.
I’m taking my mom to her gastroenterology appointment tomorrow and finally got her to take a shower so we won’t be too pressed for time tomorrow. I’ll get to take one too and hand wash some of my clothes because between cramps and other embarrassing stomach problems I haven’t had the chance to do laundry.
I also had to use what little funds I had to buy my mom a small bag of diapers and some travel sized shower items for me. I’m hoping I get my IHSS tomorrow.
I’m sorry things have been chaotic for you too, bestVase. You don’t need a big pile of stuff to worry over too.
Focusing on one thing at a time sounds like a good plan.
There are a few plusses in there - your washer wasn't permanently stolen and you and your mom got showers.
But I do understand all of your frustrations and I hope that your check comes soon. It can't be easy having to stay with your mom and out of the comfort of your own home. I hope things have been a little calmer since then.
Today was our massive trip back to my parents' part of the state to deal with lawyers, the bank, the upcoming service for my dad and their financial people. None of it was particularly pleasant and much of it I didn't quite understand. But we keep plugging away and trying. And my son drove so my back wasn't in as much pain. Small victories. @integrityblues
I’m just very tired and stressed out. I asked my manager earlier if I could get an update and hadn’t heard back.
I’m glad you got some things done in your end. Excellent that your son drove!
I am praying that the last few days have brought you some peace. @integrityblues
It’s sucked.
I got my money yesterday and it was good, but my mom refused to go to a second cardiac rehab visit today for stupid reasons and I was so mad. I made her tell them over the phone that she wasn’t coming.
I ate a bunch of sugar and it hurt my teeth because of their sensitivity. I took a nap after applying some oragel, woke up hours later and did the rest of the chores I was going to do for her.
She’s got an appointment tomorrow that I’ll drag her to.
I heard from my manager and he said that the vendors should be in contact with me but that things were scheduled to be done either tomorrow or Saturday.
I’m so very tired and just want to sleep for a week. Not that it’ll happen.
I hope that things are going okay with you too.
I can imagine that spending so much time with your mom and away from your own bed has been completely draining. Hopefully the repairs have now been made and you have been able to get a bit of rest.
Strength and peace coming your way in waves. @integrityblues
Thanks.
I went back to my place to get my mail, collect my travel funds check, and then leave. I learned today that I’m not getting back yet. The plumbers said hopefully before Wednesday, but who knows?
I’d been inside long enough to see my new sink sitting in front of my futon and that my old toilet is still there too wrapped in garbage bags.
I have a therapy appointment on Tuesday I can’t miss so I’ll try and go to that in person. Maybe I’ll go to gamer’s group too that day.
I finally got back home to mom today after detouring from my apartment to my sister’s to drop off the money order. I was so tired after all the traveling that I took a nap after lunch. Before I did that I put a nicotine patch on my mom since she had no cigarettes. So of course I woke up an hour later to her hobbling around the apartment looking for loose cigarettes.
I ended up buying a pack of them for her but only dish them out five cigarettes at a time. Otherwise every single one will be gone within 24 hours.
I’m going to grit my teeth and work through the next four days. I just hope I can get home in time for my birthday on Halloween.
The therapy appointment should hopefully help you to sort things out. Your schedule has been really exhausting lately. You are doing the best that you can with your mom. Keep looking for those little moments of okayness - you got to see your new sink. You will have some nice new stuff in the bathroom when you are done.
Today was another 12 hour work day for me. Luckily tomorrow should be easier.@integrityblues
I’m sorry your days are so very long. Fingers crossed tomorrow will be easier.
I had to go back to collect my mail and prescription refills, as well as raid my cabinets at home for canned soup and chicken, microwavable bags of lentils and rice, boxed Mac and cheese, and the last of my toilet paper. I also snagged my electric toothbrush charger on the way out.
It doesn’t look like I’ll be back before Wednesday but what do I know?
The day before last I had a terrible dream about wasps invading my mom’s house and building nests in the walls, while these strange bees were burrowing their way out of the walls too.
I caught one of those in a cup that changed to a clay tea pot, so when the bug escaped I caught it with my shirt but it got stuck against my skin. I was so scared it was going to start burrowing through my previously injured shoulder, and then I woke up.
I can imagine with all of the water damage within the walls that turning into wasps in your dream.
Hopefully you are getting closer to getting back home. It is going to happen.
I am glad to hear you eating lentil and rice packs. Those are really good and healthy too. When you continue to try to be healthy with everything else going on that is awesome.
Things are still pretty exhausting here, but I am trying. @integrityblues
I should go home after five more days or so. Unless something else happens.
I’m so tired though.
I’m glad you’re trying too.
Well, I am going to wish you a happy birthday even if you can't have it at home this year. Maybe you were destined to spend it with your mom. It is really a day that you both share in a way. May it be a day filled with some needed rest. Use the excuse "but today is my birthday" whenever you can. @integrityblues
I’m going to try and have a good birthday. Got some bad news in the form of a letter from a bail bonds place my mom used to help bail out one of my younger sister’s abusive boyfriends. She’d been harassed into it and after she changed phones she (and some of my relatives) thought she’d not be held accountable for the money anymore- it was so stupid and I warned them all!
Now they’re asking her to pay well over 2,000 dollars in a month’s time or pay the doubled full amount plus fees and stuff. Mom doesn’t understand that this could lead to her SSDI and retirement being garnished.
Let me answer below so things don't get too small. @integrityblues
@integrityblues I believe in dreams having a symbolic meaning to our life because our unconscious part of the brain is manifesting it's thoughts or memories into our dreams. So it's very interesting to read about. Your dream could have a symbolic connection with your family or with the old house or anything else too, something you might be thinking about but the thoughts are underlying so you haven't figured it yet. By the way, how did you feel after you wake up?
Sorry to hear about your mom's bail legal troubles. I remember you being concerned at the time. Hopefully you can call the bail people on her behalf to get them to understand your mom's confusion and lack of funds. Did you have an ok birthday?
my birthday was small and it made me upset. My younger sister is here now after calling in a panic thinking she was going to use again. She brought the dog which made mom happy, but I refused to lay down with them in the bed since it would be too cramped and the dogs little Adidas coat smells like pee.
I’m trying to not panic
