My 7 Cups Dream Journal

I dreamt that I was hanging out with my old friend group at my ex friend's house on a holiday, maybe Halloween. Things were okay, and in the middle of playing games I found myself in a strange improv classroom with strangers. It wasn’t comfortable because I’d just been at a sleepover and didn’t have any shoes on.

I watched a teacher talk the students through improv skits before he told me I was next.

I really didn’t want to but did it anyway, and I started my skit. I was standing in front of a large lamp that would turn on once I spread my arms- I was an angry sun who wasn’t being appreciated over all the effort it took to warm the earth and humans. So I’d stomp off and say aloud that it would be much more impressive sounding if I had shoes on.

It's okay that you didn't go today and regrouped instead. 

It sounds like you got some solid work done outside. That is a good check mark for the day.

I do hope that you can get some more solid food. We are going to have some roasted sweet potatoes over brown rice tomorrow for dinner. Keep it simple and healthy.

Good luck with the job developer meeting. Focus on some online jobs maybe. There are some out there which would work. You are going to find something eventually. I promise. 

Hope that things are going okay. I have been thinking about you.

Yesterday’s dream was about attending my birthday party only to find that my ex friend was there celebrating her own birthday like we used to because hers was over two weeks before mine and when we were in school she’d mash our parties together on my day, Halloween, which was as stupid as it sounds. I mean at the time it was okay because I was homeless and broke so I’d not be having that great a party at my home so we’d do the party trick or treating and movie night at her place.

But in this dream when she showed up acting like we were friends still and that we’d obviously be celebrating them together like old times I told her no, and to get out of my birthday.

Therapy that day wasn’t very fun. I mean, it never really is but we were talking about my difficulty dealing with people and worrying about getting sick, and she said that we have to focus on not getting drawn into repetition that could lead to OCD rituals. Then we were talking about when I first got sick with my MS, how my massive flare that lead to my diagnosis wasn’t made any easier by a very angry mean customer who basically threatened to have me fired for being so slow (I was having pretty bad double vision at the time and needed to be careful while counting cash and ringing up items).

Today I dreamt that someone was moving on my property and left a massive mess, but I tried to avoid it and leave and instead ran into my younger sister who was freaking out about being made to leave from where ever she was staying.

My aunts got involved and they got my sister and I (for some reason) into a nice hotel. I had to stay with her at first to get her settled but she ruined it almost immediately and had to run back to our room, banging on the door for me to let her in. For some reason it was very hard to use my hands to turn the deadbolt and use the doorknob, like the air was as thick as syrup! She finally got in and when I left to get something I’d forgotten which floor I was supposed to be on and stood on another while talking to these strangers.

Today I’m preparing for my next Zoom call. I’m already not happy because there was some error as she says she emailed me the other job leads during Monday’s meeting but I got nothing but the one job lead and an appointment reminder.

I’ve got a big headache plus congestion and I keep biting my tongue when she suggests I do as she do and stick VapoRub up my nose but I already know that isn’t a good remedy and can cause irritation and a rare form of pneumonia.

After the meeting I’ll be waiting for my grocery delivery from my older sister, and if I get enough dishes done I’ll prepare some of the things for Thanksgiving early. I’m just doing stuffing, green beans, potatoes (mashed or baked), and baked chicken breasts because I already have those in the freezer and don’t want the challenge of a whole turkey.

I dreamt that I was watching the characters of Anita Blake Vampire Hunter at a party. I think it was supposed to be an engagement party for Anita and Jean-Claude but there was a subplot where Jean-Claude was being forced to do ballet for everyone. Don’t really know what that was about.

I woke up to start working on the potatoes and chicken but also was sending my holiday texts. I tried sending one to my mom but tried calling her too, then I thought I’d try the temporary number she’d been using. Turns out that my younger sister has that phone and that temp number so I asked to speak to our mom and chatted with her about Thanksgiving and cooking, but also asked about the phone and what was wrong with it. She broke it so she’s going to get a new one to swap her SIM card into at the beginning of the month. I told her that we’d try and talk at the beginning of the month like we planned but to just call me and leave a message so I know it’s her.

In even better news I finally have an appointment for my wisdom teeth removal! It’ll be on the 20th of December so I’ll have time to clean my house and stock up on soft foods.

I’m upset because my other aunt whom I treat really gently and don’t talk about certain things with argued with me over the phone about Covid being just like a cold now and why am I still so cautious about it?

I’m still angry about the discussion because she kept attacking my claim of it being so hard to do things or go around people because of the fear of getting sick but I still have to go and do things for myself. I’m big on stating that the only person to take care of me is me, I have no close friends near me and extended family is far too, so I take the risks I have to in order to make it to therapy and go to the dr.

My fears were invalidated and she kept going on and on that the dr she works with did a lot during the pandemic and that it’s practically better now.

Im mad because she doesn’t have a disease that messes with her immune system so she doesn’t have to deal with anything like I do.

She treated me like a child.

I am sorry that Thanksgiving was more stressful than you wanted and that your aunt doesn't understand your anxiety.

You are right to be concerned because of your medical condition. I think that what your aunt was trying to get at (though she had no idea how to do it) was that she is sad that you have so many limits and wants you to find a way through them.

Does that way exist? I think that it does. COVID is indeed less deadly especially with quick antivirals. It isn't yet "the flu" but people in 1920 two years after the flu epidemic had killed thousands were still pretty cautious too. Will COVID eventually become like the flu? Yes, but there are plenty of other diseases that will always be emerging. 

So caution is important, but so is continuing to work through your anxiety with your therapist. And you have been doing a great job of that. It is slow going at times but your comfort level is going to keep improving. 

I dreamt that in the middle of a zombie apocalypse I was trying to get to the Starbucks. I got there and the barista immediately started charging me for my usual blonde roast, but when they rung it up it was actually a Persian blonde roast. I tried to tell them that I had enough to pay for the coffee but I wanted to use my rewards to get a pastry.

I was on hold for an hour and a half but was finally able to speak to someone about my food stamps. They informed me that I didn’t do the interview and then patched me through to someone else to conduct the interview. When it was over they told me that I could get my food stamps today or tomorrow- it didn’t happen today at 5, so I’ll check again tomorrow morning.

I talked to my friend after to share and celebrate.

Then I very slowly did the bare minimum for the trash cans because I’m so sore and tired.

I am so sorry that I missed last night. Not hearing from me probably made things harder. My son was coming home after a semester away and there were all sorts of airport problems including his suitcase arriving on a later flight than his and his phone being left at the airport where he changed planes. But we are good now.

I am glad to hear that the food stamps worked out, but the stress that it caused you is horrible. It sounds like you handled it the best you could by going to the gaming group anyway and finding a friend to talk to. But that doesn't make it less tough. It is understandable that you are tired.

Sorry that you had to cancel the blender order. Maybe you can find somewhere better to get one from. The prices might be nearly the same on Target or Amazon and you could get it delivered. I do really like our handheld one.