My 7 Cups Dream Journal
Entry 1: The Boxes of Cats
It was a little strange but what I remember most is visiting a house that was in my old neighborhood that I’d recently moved from (it really wasn’t, so dream logic) but I came back to collect something I left or my mother left.
It was very sad and the people who were there now were sort of okay with me wandering around and looking. I kept noticing the signs that I’d once lived there (painted over places that still revealed chipped paint and stuff I recognized from my apartment).
Then I looked beneath a couch or table and found boxes full of kittens. Two boxes were full of meowing kittens in water that the new home owners had no idea were there, and one more box held a very dead cat that was an older one from a previous litter. All of the kittens were starving without their mother and I knew that it was the reason why the older one passed.
The new owners suddenly smelled the dead cat and I took it upon myself to get rid of it. When I came back an hour later all of the kittens were gone, and when I was walking past another house I could see all the kittens. They’d all grown up into adult cats!
I’d gone to bed before my mom answered my Did you get home text.
I woke up with a sore shoulder blade and had to figure out how to get some Bengay on it since I can’t reach. I ended up putting some Bengay on the back of my back scratcher and spreading it that way.
I laid back down and propped myself up with some pillows to support my shoulder.
I need to get my toilet paper. If I get out of bed and get ready now I can do it while I have the most energy.
My mom responded to last night’s text at like 10 p.m. when I was already asleep. She got home okay. She talked about paying her bill, probably the Spectrum one I’d messaged her about yesterday. So that’s good.
So between the two messages that sounded like lots of stress that wound its way down to being okay. The key is to just move forward and hopefully not be in contact today. It does sound like your mom will be pretty tired from that hospital visit and will need a day of rest herself.
Sending lots of hugs your way. You are doing a great job walking. Keep that up. I love the fact that you saw dogs. I saw lots of birds on my walk.
You are going to get more peace soon. Grab it for yourself where ever you can. @integrityblues
I was in awful shape because when I was going home I’d gotten on the bus but no one would give me a seat in disabled seating. I had to stand and cling to a rail with my right arm but the strain of standing up and getting knocked around by the speed of the bus was making my shoulder even worse. I was so close to crying but someone finally got up and I took their seat.
When I was recovering at home my mom called.
I should have just let it go to my voicemail but I answered.
She was giving an update about a meeting at HACLA. They want her benefits verification by a certain time and because my mother doesn’t remember things very well she’d forgotten all the stuff I’d failed to do back when I tried to help her get it. She was under the impression that she could get it online (no) and couldn’t remember her *** address. I was obviously tired and exasperated because I tried telling her yesterday that when I told her I needed a break I meant it. Yes, emergencies are one thing but that this was just her coming to me for help still.
When I brought it up and asked if she had anyone else to help, did she even think of calling my older sister? She said she didn’t and she didn’t want to bother my sister…that and I knew a lot of the information because I’d been trying to help before.
I told her to just go to Social Security today and ask for the paper she needs, then go back to HACLA tomorrow to drop it off. I reminded her again that she agreed to let me have my space then said goodbye and good luck.
I’m not excited about my Zoom call tomorrow, but I’ll go through with it. I’m going to ask for a break because I’m experiencing a little too much strain.
I’ll get my food stamps tomorrow and that will be nice.
Ugh, sorry for the rough day. I hope that the shoulder feels a little better today.
Voice mail is your friend. Don't answer your mom tomorrow, okay. Again, you need a break really badly, probably more than I have ever seen for you. You make the boundary decisions. Don't let her cross them.
I am so excited that you will get your food stamps soon and can plan some better things to eat. That is going to help. Exercise when you can. @integrityblues
Last night I had a very violent dream about unaliving someone, disposing of the body, and pretending that everything was okay as it all happened during what was supposed to be a nice day with my friends. My poor friends ended up helping me do that as we left a Starbucks and hid the evidence, but I was so close to getting caught.Internet says that these sorts of themes or images usually reference repressed anger or frustration and it makes sense after my mom has been ignoring my boundaries and what we’ve agreed on.Yes, it’s got to go to voicemail. It’s so hard not to snap back into my old habits when she tells me such awful things or goes to a hospital. I was so happy that the food stamps came! I’ve planned out how it’s going to be spent over the next month so I don’t go without.I’m setting up my crockpot tomorrow morning son I can cook some frozen chicken breasts with all the ingredients for chili. So onions, diced tomatoes, and kidney beans with a chili packet. I’ll cut up the chicken breasts for a thicker chili once it’s done in the evening then dish it out by the cup full. It’s so cold and I’d like something nice and hearty by the end of the day. I’m hoping I don’t get too soaked when I go out to gamer’s group. I’m also hoping that my Amazon package is safe. So it might make me reconsider going all together.
I dreamt that there was large room on my property that belonged to a tenant who’d suddenly left and had broken windows and doors that made it so every cat was living in it.
My mom and younger sister were there and we’d entered the building and seen that one of the female cats was giving birth to kittens who were immediately giving birth to their own tiny kittens. It reminded me of how kangaroos give birth and I’d explained the whole thing to my sister as if it meant anything.
I am sorry about the violent dream. Maybe it was a sign though that you now have the opportunity to slow down with taking care of your mom.
Good job on the cooking planning front. The beans in the chili are especially healthy. I cooked tonight from the country of Chile - it was good, cheap, easy and pretty healthy. It was a cream of celery soup. I bought some celery, an onion, a small bag of potatoes, and some vegetable broth. You just cook down the onion, add in the other vegetables and the broth, cook and then puree it at the end. I added some sunflower seeds on top.
I hope that you are able to get to the gaming group. It was pretty cold today here as well but it should warm up again tomorrow.
I nearly didn’t go. I was so tired and my shoulder hurts still, but I really wanted to go to the gamer’s group.
I went and had a nice time. I spoke to the one I’d friended on Pokemon Go and we did a trade. When you trade one of yours for theirs they become Lucky, so that was nice. He also showed me a trick to make it easier to give Buddy Pokemon their treats.
I avoided the rains and didn’t even get wet while I was hauling the trash cans out. The rain started after I was safe inside.
The rest of the day was spent keeping an eye on my Amazon account, waiting for the delivery.
While I was doing that I noticed activity on my mom’s email since I’d added hers on my iPhone just to make it easier. I’d spotted an email addressed to my younger sister- something about LifePoints, anything that pays for surveys to make easy money. And then another email addressed to my mom about a probate attorney. I’m fairly certain that my younger sister has been given shelter from the rain and is making my mom let her use the phone and try to secure legal help to get money that doesn’t even exist anymore.
I weighed what to do about it and finally just took my mom’s email off of my device so I wouldn’t have to see it her distressing emails.
I’d gotten another of her Spectrum emails so I’m fairly certain that she’s not going to bother to pay for her overdue bill and I don’t want to take care of it for her.
I finally got my stuff. Brand new case for my iPhone, new non-stick frying pan that came with a screwdriver to attach the handle, water filters, a pair of spatulas, and toothbrush heads.
Your soup sounds very good.
I’ve had to move my plan to make dinner to tomorrow. Today was just too busy.
I am so proud of you. You turned off your mom's emails to avoid the distress and you went to the game group even though you were tired. Both are excellent ways of healing. You are building up a good group with the gamers and I am glad you are enjoying it more.
It is also nice when you get some nice new things to arrange and put in their proper spots.
Just leftovers for me tonight but I am hoping for a more peaceful weekend. Tomorrow we are going to go out and price some small shells for a new path in the backyard. We have never done such a thing before so this should be interesting to say the least. Then it will be back to grading and course prep. @integrityblues
My positive step forward by turning off my ability to look at my mom’s email yesterday was negated when I took two steps back this morning and called my mom to ask what was happening.
My mother was very tense and said that things were very bad because my younger sister was back. Yes, she was pressuring mom to get a probate lawyer to get money that doesn’t exist anymore, and she wasn’t making anything easier at all.
My mom hadn’t gotten anything done for the paperwork she needs to return to HACLA. She’d tried the day before in the rain but went to the wrong place and got confused.
When my mom let my younger sister in the call devolved to my sister yelling in the background and wanting to contact all of us to see if we’re okay (or she’s trying to manipulate us all).
My mom was still trying to get outside and get to Social Security while my sister was panicking in the background.
I gave my mom directions to social security and checked in on her again because it’s so serious that she gets this done. I texted her that if she hadn’t done it today she’ll have to wait for Monday and I don’t know what deadline they gave her most recently.
I contacted my older sister because my mom mentioned that my younger sister called her from her phone.
Turns out my older sister would have visited our mom this weekend but the news about our younger sister being around changes things. She’s going to take her husband to the dentist instead.
I ate so badly today. I don’t even want to list the things I ate. I’m sore and too full and I’ll drink some water and baking soda before bed.
I’m getting a little load of laundry done because I need clean pajamas and stuff.
I’m going to sleep in tomorrow.
Your sea shell project sounds very nice! Will the paths be straight forward from one point to another or meandering?
There will be some days where you take a step back. Then you take a deep breath and try again. Beating yourself up in any way just makes things worse.
I am sorry that your older sister backed away yet again. Whereas you don't protect yourself enough, she protects herself too much and never gets involved.
I am hoping that you don't need to do any calling or texting tomorrow. It is Sunday so you can't really get much office kinds of things done anyway. You can tell that you instantly started the bad food habits with the stress. So a day off (or two or three if you can manage that) would be good. Maybe a plan that might help when you end up on those stressful calls is that as soon as you are done whenever you can go on a short walk. It will probably help to calm you down and make the rest of the day go more smoothly.
I think we found where we can get the shells. It is a short pathway and my sons are going to do all the building of it the week after next. We just need to figure out the best way to keep weeds out that is cheap. We might just try cardboard or newspaper if we can find enough. We are definitely not gardeners at all (we have almost no lawn, just sand and weeds) but we are determined to try just a little something. @integrityblues
I contacted my mom this morning since she hadn’t answered me about her progress on the forms and getting them to HACLA.
She told me that my younger sister was terribly sick on Friday and made a horrible mess of the bathroom due to food poisoning or stomach flu then that night she’d gotten a ride to the shelter she’d been at before in the valley; my mom went on the ride with her and was happy to see that the dog was at least happy to be there. He’d gotten a new stuffed dog toy, a cute monkey, when he arrived and got to play with all his dog friends. My sister stayed.
My mom was driven home alone.
After she mentioned the mess I immediately got out of bed. All I’d planned for my Saturday morning was to kick back but as I had her on speaker phone I began getting ready and absolutely steamrolled her; that I wasn’t accepting a no, that I was coming there to clean what she already said she couldn’t. That I’d be wearing a face mask and clean with surgical gloves on to protect myself from the risk of stomach flu. She’d wasted the last of her money on some shampoo my sister demanded so I’d asked her what she needed since she didn’t have food stamps yet. All she asked for was sugar cubes so I stopped at the Vons near her house and picked up some cheap ramen, the sugar cubes, a turkey sandwich, some discounted shortbread cookies, and a soda for each of us. I’d also brought my own can of disinfectant spray with my ziplock bag of gloves and a garbage bag, and a spare water filter for her Brita pitcher.
She was very surprised and overwhelmed by it, so we took a minute to eat and chat, then she laid down for a nap and I looked around. I confirmed what she said when I arrived. That she’d used her last large plastic bag to dispose of her bucket and the pair of pants my sister had ruined and left behind. She’d cleaned as well as she could but things still needed to be mopped and swept. I swept her living room, kitchen, and bathroom. I mopped the bathroom floor and let it air dry after I did a soap scrub and a wet rinse. I advised her to put something on the floor if it till wasn’t completely dry. I also used the disinfectant spray to clean every surface my sister could have touched- door knobs, light switches, door of the fridge and any drawer or shelf pull. I also thoroughly sprayed the toilet seat, bowl, and the flush handle. I had to spray everything I touched while wearing my dirty gloves, but then had to I stop myself from overdoing it. I sat myself down to rest for a little bit as my mom continued napping.
Finally I told her that I was all done and asked if she needed anything else. She said she didn’t and thanked me.
She walked me to the bus stop and then I left.
I made it home okay but I’m very tired. I’m going to sleep early and stay in bed for awhile tomorrow morning.
Your lawn project still sounds fun and interesting. You could try to chart a course in the less weedy area of your lawn and pull the ones that get in your way, or use a weed killer spray?
You did a good job cleaning. I know that brings you satisfaction so that is a good thing.
Keep reminding yourself that there's a good chance that your sister wasn't ill with anything contagious. She has taken so many drugs that could easily cause a vomiting episode.
It is great that she is back at the shelter and not causing your mom any more chaos. You were able to bring your mom some physical peace as well.
But try to take a step back tomorrow yourself. You still really need that space. @integrityblues
I feel foolish for going to my mom’s yesterday. I got an email about my mom not paying her mobile bill and that service would be terminated on the 10th and she’d have to pay off the phone all at once. So I reached out to her and apologized, but told her that she’d have to get things in order and call Spectrum to update her payment method. I checked her funds and realized she had plenty of money. When I told her that she finally admitted that she knew she had it but wanted to give the money to my younger sister. That made me feel terrible because I’d made it a point to bring her food yesterday after she said she didn’t have any money. I pushed that aside and advised her about her call.
I gave her the number and detailed instructions. When I got off the phone with her she got it done. I noticed it because I got all the confirmation emails. I told her good job and that we’d talk on the 1st.
Then later she texted me questions about how to contact Access. I use Access myself as a disabled rider, I’ve done it forever now and it’s really helped me stay independent and get stuff done on the free fare program. So I was excited that she was finally giving it actual thought!
I texted her the number but after all the work I did with my hands yesterday it made it harder for me to text every little thing she’d need to know. I called and went into an in depth explanation for her and she then mentioned that she wanted to use it to see my younger sister in the valley. Wind was officially taken out of my sails as she said that! She’s not really interested in what it’ll do for herself but how it’ll help my sister.
I finished the call but reminded her that she’d have to try and call them tomorrow to get things in motion. To mail an application, to prepare for an appointment, and waiting to see if she qualifies.
I want her to do well, but when she contacts me again (because she’s probably going to) I’m going to have to not answer. That’s what voicemail is for. I need to do better at maintaining my boundaries because I give in too easily especially when my older sister cancels.
Ok, so again today is a new day to do better. Let the calls go to voice mail and don't answer the texts. Your mother is using you not to improve her life but to drain your energy into your younger sister's battle. I think that if you imagine it that way for a bit that it will help.
You can even say something like that to her. What she is doing is frustrating because you only have so much energy to give due to your disability. She is choosing to make your life miserable to help your younger sister. She is picking favorites (though that may come out a little harsh). You can't even attempt to get out of your hole because you keep getting pulled into hers. Remind her as regularly as you can of your physical pain.
So I hope today was one of peace for you where you were able to give yourself some space to recover. Do that guilt free. Get that chili made. Go out on a walk. Actually any time your mom leaves a voice mail or texts go on a walk before you answer it. Maybe just around the block. Think about what you want your response to be. It might cause you to not react quite so fast which would be good for both of you.
You can do this. You are really recognizing what she is doing to you and that is a step in the right direction.@integrityblues
Thanks.
I tried really hard to just focus on myself today. I’m sore and exhausted and made it through my morning Zoom okay. I ended up doing a small load of laundry in my TwinSpin, and would rest in between having to check the machine or putting damp clothes into the hanging clothes dryer.
I ended up going for a nice walk. I caught lots of Pokemon and saw so many dogs!
I have therapy tomorrow. I’ll take a nice shower in the morning and only leave to catch my bus when my hair is dry.
Did therapy. Talked about my latest issues with my mom and the therapist asked about contacting elder abuse hotline again and did I want her to do it? After a moment I said yes.
I almost fell during the bus ride home- the driver took off before I could take my seat so I hit my hip on the arm of the seat then wrenched part of my back as I struggled to remain upright and not squish the old man next to me.
My therapist called me after I got home because she was doing the paperwork for the report and wanted to know if she could put my name down as someone to call for details of abuse. I said yes but I’d like some confidentiality so my mom wouldn’t find out I was involved. She put a note about it in the report.
Now I’m taking Tylenol and getting the heating pad for my back. I want to play some video games.
If my back isn’t hurting I’ll go to tomorrow’s Easter party where I do therapy.
Actually all of that sounds better than anything you have posted for the last several days, except for the near fall on the bus.
You are resting more, walking, and your therapist is helping you start to find some other help besides you for your mom. And you didn't attempt to contact your mom. So great work!
Do get to that party if you can. I hope that the heating pad does wonders for you!
Get some more rest. Things are going to get better. @integrityblues
I know it’s supposed to be good, I just feel strange for finally doing it. My latest experience with my mom just shows how all of her energy is just for my younger sister, not for herself. It doesn’t matter if she says she’s going to try and qualify for Access if the only thing she’s going to try and do with it is visit my sister at that shelter. That she’ll accept food from me after saying she’s “broke” but actually have over 200 bucks that she’s planning on using on my sister!
I told my therapist that I didn’t know if my mom is ever going to focus on herself. When was it EVER going to be time to help herself?
It took a bit for me to not speak to my mom out of misplaced guilt. This is really the best thing that can be done for her, and when the social worker eventually comes to see her maybe mom will understand that there’s so much she could benefit from by accepting their help.
It’s bad enough that she has such trouble paying bills, it’s even worse when people lean on her for money and she just gives it away to them. I’m sure she’s still waiting on that 300 bucks from one of my sister’s ex’s!
So much of tomorrow’s plans depend on my back and the rain. I’m hoping both will be fine and that I can remain calm if they try and do more get-to-know you exercises where so have to shake hands or something. They’re going to have activities and a meal so that could be nice.
I didn’t bother to go to the party. My back still hurt, I was so tired, and I was in an awful mood. I’m going to try and go
to gamer’s group instead.
You are processing a lot and it is painful. I am sorry. I agree with your assessments though.
One of the keys for you is to avoid doing what your mom is doing. She is giving all her attention and money to your sister. You are giving all your attention and money to your mom.
So let's get back to focusing on you. It's fine for you to decide that you weren't up for the party. Go to the gaming group instead. That will also be good and it is more recognizable in terms of knowing what will happen.
Were you ever able to make that chicken chili?
Hey.
I’ve spent most of the day resting.
I didn’t eat that well but just had a bagged salad for dinner. I’m also making a bagel because I’ve wanted one for a couple of days but didn’t have time to do it.
I’ve had plenty of water and a nice mug of tea with honey because my throat hurt a little bit. It’s either from tonsil stones, stomach acid, or the fact that I was stuck in the rain yesterday.
I was supposed to start the chili this morning so I could have it tonight but wasn’t up for it. I’ll prepare the crockpot tomorrow morning so it can cook while I’m away.
I woke up restless at 3 a.m. to a large amount of rain. I wanted to go back to sleep but the rain drumming against the street and my window was too loud to ignore.
I drifted in and out of sleep. My stomach was bothering me so I finally decided that if the rain was going to be that bad, I didn’t care about socializing. I did nothing this morning and tried to rest more.
The most give done today is get out of bed to eat, take my morning meds, set up my crockpot for the chili, and hauled out the trash cans when I was sure that I wasn’t going to get stuck in between the bouts of rain.
Then I finally brushed my hair since it’s been a couple of days since I’ve done more than roughly finger comb it and tie it back. Then I took a long shower.
All of that actually sounds pretty okay in terms of caring for yourself. I can understand with the rain and being worn down that the gaming group wasn't the best option.
You took a shower, you got your hair combed, you had salad, got the crockpot ready for chili. All those are good things.
The rain will stop eventually and you will be able to move forward. Were you able to read any good books today?
We finally finished the cream of celery soup tonight. It made great leftovers that everyone continued to enjoy especially with some added sunflower seeds. Tomorrow night my son will cook the meal that I was going to make (a vegetable dish and a chickpea flour pie from Algeria) because I am going to be busy with work. Looking forward to having spring break next week even though I will still have tons of reading to do.
@integrityblues
Yes, that’s true.
The chili was good but now I’m just exhausted.
I watched Netflix and YouTube but might read later.
It’s so nice that your son will cook!
I totally forgot about spring break, so have a nice break even though you’ll have lots of reading to do.
I hope that today was relaxing in just the way that you needed it to be. You will find your way back to doing more soon. Maybe you'll be able to get out walking tomorrow.
My day was okay. I bought a $5 birdhouse and a $5 can of spray paint and am going to try to paint tomorrow outside. Our neighbor recently destroyed a bush with tons of birds in it next to our driveway which made my son upset. So maybe a birdhouse will help a little.
Dinner worked out okay and now my youngest son is home for spring break which will be nice. @integrityblues
It was a very tiring day. Trash day went as expected and the rain meant I wasn’t sweeping. I left to go shopping and got some on sale ground turkey for burgers and some other stuff. I got ice cream sandwiches because I had a very vivid dream about opening my mostly empty freezer and only finding Neapolitan ice cream sandwiches (one had a bite taken out of it and wasn’t wrapped up, so I’d shrugged and ate it).
I'm glad your day was okay. Providing a bird house for the birds that were unceremoniously evicted from that bush sounds like a great idea.
Im sure spring break will be very nice.
I am glad that you got some good turkey for burgers. They make some really nice smaller ice cream sandwiches and other treats now. We have been having those when we want something special. It is really interesting how the little ones give you just enough and you don't feel quite as guilty. We had leftovers ourselves.
It sounds like you did get a bit more stuff done today so you can hopefully feel yourself building back towards normal. May you feel even more rested soon.
We got the shells for the path today. It was an interesting experience being surrounded by dump trucks lifting tons of rocks while we got our little bags of shells. Hopefully it will help make the yard look nicer. The birdhouse turned out okay but I am really not an artist even when I try. @integrityblues
Today wasn’t anything special. I’ve been so tired so I’ve rested.
My older sister eventually texted me to say that she and her family visited our mom. She said it went well and that our mom is fine.
And since I hadn’t said anything about it to anyone else aside from you and my friend I told her about the report to Adult Protective Services my therapist made on my behalf. I also added our mom had lied to me about not having any money then revealed the truth about having several hundred dollars that she only intended to use on our younger sister. Thankfully I’d gotten that email from Spectrum- she’d used a significant portion of that money to pay a large chunk of the bill in addition to two smaller payments. I’d only learned that last bit when I checked her account and noticed the payments.
My older sister responded to my questions asking after our mom and she said that she looks pretty good. That it doesn’t look like our younger sister has come back just yet.
I am very glad that your older sister was able to see your mom and get a different perspective. It is also great that your younger sister hasn't returned to cause any more havoc. It sounds like your mom is being fairly responsible too. So it is a much better week than last week. You helped make that possible.
Now you can hone in on yourself again. You are starting to do that. How are you doing on the walking? You mentioned seeing some cute dogs before.
My day was okay overall. I didn't have too much exciting either. I made some special sweet croissant rolls for my parents' birthday tomorrow when we go and visit them. They were both born on St. Patrick's Day (but nine years apart) which is a little weird. @integrityblues
I’d feel better about it if our mom didn’t leave things out on purpose to paint a better picture. I’m trying to not think too much about it.
I saw many cute dogs yesterday. I might have seen some cute dogs on the way to the store this morning.
I’m focusing too much on my upcoming dental appointment on Friday. I’m stressing over the number of cavities they’ll likely say I’ve got because they always find more no matter how well I clean my teeth.
It’s interesting that both of your parents have the same birthday. Making them croissants is a very nice thing to do!
Oh, and the dream I woke up from this morning was about rescuing these tiny white kittens. I’d been walking past a hole like one that’s for a fence post or pole, it was deep in the concrete and filling with water for some reason. I’d stopped because I’d seen the kittens there.
I knelt down and reached inside to pluck them out. I collected at least five of them and they were shivering and crying as they clung to me for warmth. Someone else in the dream saw me with my arms full of kittens and asked me what was I going to do with them all.
I was trying so hard to be responsible and do the right thing but I knew that there wasn’t much I could do aside from not letting them drown in a small hole.
Your dream sounds like a solid reminder that you can only do so much on a whole bunch of fronts. Your mother will make mistakes but you worrying about them won't stop them from happening. In visiting with my own mom today, I was reminded of this. She said that she had fallen twice because she was simply walking too fast. I can't control her rushing around. She knows she does it. She knows how to walk on her shoes to make it happen less. That has to be enough for me.
The dream is also a good reminder for your teeth. You do the best that you can to keep them clean. Cavities aren't entirely your fault. Maybe you will have much less (or none) this time. I know that I fear appointments for the same reasons though, so I am sending hugs.
Glad that you got to see some cute dogs. Maybe you will see some nice birds while walking tomorrow. We are going to go to a small garden tomorrow for inspiration for our own backyard. @integrityblues
I dreamt that a very fat homeless woman broke into my apartment. She’d broken in by forcing my locked window open so she could reach through it and unlock my door to enter while I was still asleep.
After I’d kicked her out I tried to speak to management about fixing my window since this has happened so many times (as in it’s a theme that occurs enough in my dreams that I was remembering previous times I’ve dreamt that the homeless have broken in or tried to break in through my window). Management tried to fix it but it still wasn’t closing all the way and it was so frustrating.
I’d gone outside to do something else and ran into my mom and younger sister. I don’t really know how it happened but both ended up coming over to spend the night supposedly in case the homeless woman came back. I woke up as I was trying to figure out sleeping arrangements considering my place is just a studio.
I’d been hit with my period as I was going to bed. And as I was falling asleep the low battery alarm on my carbon monoxide detector kept going off once every few minutes but I managed to fall back asleep or stay mostly asleep until my actual alarm went off and I dragged myself out of bed to change the damn batteries.
Lots of mini anxieties and frustrations in there. I hope that your dreams are allowing you to process them somewhat in order to move forward.
How was your day in terms of doing things for you? Watching any good Netflx lately? How is the healthy eating going?
You are going to make it to Friday and the dentist appointment. I am pretty exhausted myself tonight but am hoping a good sleep sets things right.
My phone appointment for Neurology took forever because they were very busy. I waited for almost 2 hrs, made some calls to figure out what was happening and then called my clinic again- they’d said they would remind the dr and he finally got to me. I’ll get an MRI and an OCT at some point because I explained it’s been quite awhile since I’ve gotten an OCT and I’m supposed to get it done once a year to check disease progression in my eyes and optic nerves. I described symptoms of facial numbness, twitching facial muscles, and pain.
My Modafinil has been slightly increased to combat my growing fatigue, I’ll talk about trying a new antidepressant with my primary when I set up my next appointment, and most of my prescriptions have been refilled. I did notice that I was initially sent the wrong prescription for my Copaxone, got to be name brand not generic. I just double checked it and thankfully it was resolved and I’ll have more than enough!
I got a small load of laundry done, took a shower, and eventually walked to the store to get dinner. Not all of my choices were great since period cravings are stupid, but I got a nice thin crust BBQ Chicken pizza to cook in the oven. I tried the Coke Zero Orange Cream soda (it essentially tastes like orange and vanilla so it’s pretty interesting).
I watched some episodes of Bridgerton.
Since my period hit me so hard I’m also going to need to get myself some more pads tomorrow morning.
I got a good email from one of the jobs I applied for- it was a positive one that said that since I meet the minimum qualifications I’ll be considered for future interviews, that I should hear from them. Admittedly I’m nervous but it’s for a customer service job and I’m a little more comfortable with it since I have plenty of background even if it’s been forever. I’ve got my interview clothes so I should be prepared enough.
I hope we both sleep well.
I am glad that you were proactive in terms of the medical testing and medication. Good job on both fronts.
A possible job lead - how thrilling! I hope that they give you a call back soon to line up an interview. That could be quite promising. Good job!
Sorry that the period cravings have been hard. But you are experimenting with some slightly healthier stuff which is good. I had a pizza with squash, spinach, and balsamic vinegar dressing last night myself. Tonight I had fish tacos and was proud when I ordered grilled rather than fried fish. We are on a short getaway at the moment since work has been so hard. I managed to get on a bike today after 40 years and not crash it. We rode 3 miles and then I walked another 5. So my blisters and I should sleep well tonight. @integrityblues
A getaway is really nice, so I’m glad that you’re getting some fun and having good food. Grilled fish tacos are excellent. I’ve never had that type of pizza, but I should probably try it out. I’m trying to work in salads because I need the vegetables.
Bike riding is very good! Yes, the blisters won’t be fun but you’ll definitely sleep well after all that exercise.
Like I mentioned in my more recent post, I’ve been doing lots of laundry. It’s taken me most of the day to work on three very small loads along with my jacket. I have to go early tomorrow so I’ll need the jacket and pants that are still drying.
Please have lots of fun, bestVase!
