My 7 Cups Dream Journal
Entry 1: The Boxes of Cats
It was a little strange but what I remember most is visiting a house that was in my old neighborhood that I’d recently moved from (it really wasn’t, so dream logic) but I came back to collect something I left or my mother left.
It was very sad and the people who were there now were sort of okay with me wandering around and looking. I kept noticing the signs that I’d once lived there (painted over places that still revealed chipped paint and stuff I recognized from my apartment).
Then I looked beneath a couch or table and found boxes full of kittens. Two boxes were full of meowing kittens in water that the new home owners had no idea were there, and one more box held a very dead cat that was an older one from a previous litter. All of the kittens were starving without their mother and I knew that it was the reason why the older one passed.
The new owners suddenly smelled the dead cat and I took it upon myself to get rid of it. When I came back an hour later all of the kittens were gone, and when I was walking past another house I could see all the kittens. They’d all grown up into adult cats!
I dreamt that I was on a bus and there was a man with a small dog. I don’t really know why I took it, but I did. He told me where to drop the dog back off and I ended up taking that dog around with me for most of the day.
When it started getting dark I took the dog to the address but no one would answer the door at all.
So I had a dog now that I couldn’t keep but still loved and cared about after a day interacting with it. I tried doing what so many of my fellow tenants have done in the past and not declare the pet to my management company and avoid the fees associated with one.
I woke up as I was cleaning up after the dog and imagining getting a pet houseplant.
Today I woke with a big headache and lots of shoulder pain. I’m using a heating pad on the shoulder and sitting up as I use it.
I’ve arranged my MRIs appointments. The first of my thoracic spine is for tomorrow on Thursday, and the second two scans for my brain and cervical spine. I’ll have to carefully calculate whether or not I’ll be able to make it to gamer’s group on either day. I’ve got my fingers crossed.
I have to get some laundry done so I have something to wear. My jacket is a little too big to be washed in the TwinSpin but I’m going to try.
I got to the dentist and after examining my teeth he said he found a cavity but that it was small and wouldn’t need to be drilled. He did a thorough simple cleaning that only hurt a little bit because my teeth and gums are sensitive. I don’t have to come back for 6 months and I’ll get a call about the return appointment.
While I was there he told me about getting a night guard since I grind my teeth but I’d obviously have to talk to my insurance about whether or not it’s covered. I also have to talk to them about the referral I never got to have my wisdom teeth out.
It sounds like quite a few appointments but you are organizing them well. I am so glad that the dentist didn't find much. I can imagine the appointment was still painful though. My husband has one of the mouth guard things for grinding his teeth. I think it works out okay after he had used it for a few days. But you obviously need to figure out the insurance first.
Maybe your dream was telling you that it was indeed time to get a houseplant. I bet that it would brighten up your space a bit. I bought a few plants today myself. We have the garden path now, but need some plants to put in the dirt. I got some firebush and wild coffee. Hopefully they will actually grow. I am finding that thinking about plants is helping me just a little with my anxiety about the world right now. @integrityblues
I’m so sorry I’ve only liked some of your responses but not replied. I’ve been dealing with that same bad shoulder pain and just today I managed to call for an appointment with my Dr to have them look at it. I’ve done the best I can with ice and heat, Bengay and Tylenol, as well as forcing myself in sleep only on my left side. This whole weekend has been spent with me on bed rest and little physical activity.
So my appointment will be on Wednesday. I sent an apologetic message to my job developer because the two appointments conflict, and asked that we please reschedule.
I iced my shoulder for longer and then I would so I could manage using my TwinSpin to wash my sheet, pillowcases, pajamas, and some odds and ends. I wanted to be able to go to bed with mostly clean bedding. I’m going to take a hot shower before bed since I’ve been laid up for a while and really need to be clean. I have therapy for tomorrow too!
My psych nurse aunt got back from a conference in Canada. She’s very glad to be home but is so very tired. She talked to me for a little bit yesterday because I’ve had a lot happen with my mom and we haven’t had time to talk. There was a really sweet moment at the end of the call where she got home and my cousin’s little daughter greeted her and called her “little lady” which amused my aunt a lot. I thought it was just adorable and told my aunt to go have fun and rest.
She asked that I call her on Wednesday since that’s her day off. So I made a note.
I did just enough dishes today to make turkey burgers. I’m stuffed.
So sorry about the shoulder. You have indeed been mentioning that pain for days. I am glad that you are going to go see a doctor about it. That kind of pain is hard to manage when you can't move. But you still got a lot done with the laundry, dishes and turkey burgers.
The other appointments will rearrange themselves. Focus on the shoulder for now. I am glad that you got a nice conversation in with your aunt. That makes for a good day!
My day was okay but long. I had to pick up my son and his friends at the airport at 5 am and then had a 6 hour meeting. I will sleep well tonight I think. @integrityblues
I hope your meeting went well.
My day was going okay. I went to therapy and during the appointment the social worker assigned to my mom called and was put on speakerphone. He’d tried visiting last week but used the intercom (I’d made a note for them to not use it because it’s attached to a voicemail that my mom doesn’t have access to) so I advised him to try calling her phone number next time.
I’d gotten a radiology report for my last mri and they found what might be a lesion in my spine (but they think it’s one that’s been there since 2022). While I was reading the report at the bus stop the guy sitting next to me started chatting. To be polite I replied and when the bus arrived we both got on. I hardly noticed that he’d chosen to sit across from me in disabled seating. This is where my day went very bad.
I’d had my earbuds in and was playing Pokemon Go and listening to a YouTube video. Near the end of the ride the guy leaned forwards and held out his phone till it touched mine; I jerked away and asked him what the *** he was doing, and he said he was trying to connect. And by connect he meant get my name and phone number.
We got off at the same stop and went to the same bus stop.
I told him that what he did was really ***. That he did it without asking and tried to take my information without my consent.
He was either purposefully not getting it or was just stupid.
He started arguing that if I didn’t want connects to happen I shouldn’t have my brand of phone, that he couldn’t be the first person to do that or the first stranger I’d seen that day.
I stood my ground and he began to bitchily demand that I only refer to him as sir. I pointedly called him a tool, called him dude never sir, reiterated my disgust of his actions and his attitude (and when I’d first told him how disgusted I was with his actions he’d gotten very upset and made it about race or his looks which weren’t even the point).
I was so angry over all of it that I refused to linger at the bus stop or get on the same bus as him. I walked away even though I was so tired and my shoulder was hurting so badly, but I only made it two blocks before I ducked into the shade and looked up how I could figure out if my information was taken, and then watched at least three buses roll past.
When I was sure that I wasn’t going to be getting on the bus with that jerk, or inadvertently let him know where I lived. I did carefully look around as I got on the bus. I’m just not going to feel very safe outside for now.
I got home still upset so I sat down and played video games, then made Mac and cheese, and finally laid down on my side to not hurt my shoulder more.
Wow! That guy very much sounds like a jerk who likes to assert his authority over women in dangerous ways. You did all the right things to get rid of him. And I do think it would be pretty hard for him to get all of your information by just watching you on your phone. But I think that I would have been a little shaken too.
But now you can move forward being pretty certain that you won't run into him again. Did the doctor give you anything for the shoulder pain?
I am glad that you were able to have a fairly successful therapy session today and I hope you have a really peaceful tomorrow. @integrityblues
Yes the guy wasn’t taking no for an answer. He wasn’t just looking at my screen, he was trying to get my contact information using airdrop or the newer Bringing Devices Together feature on iPhone. Thankfully I hadn’t had my air drop on receiving so he shouldn’t have gotten any of my contact information.
I was more concerned about his idiotic thought processes; that I’m not a child so I shouldn’t refer to my aunt as auntie, as I was explaining who bought this phone for me so why should it matter about the features? That having the feature doesn’t mean I have to use it and doesn’t mean that I’d welcome his advances either.
I didn’t see the dr yet. That’s for Wednesday at 10:40 a.m.
I’ve been icing my shoulder and taking Tylenol. I’m hoping that tomorrow is going to be okay and that things are going to be a little easier.
My dream this morning was about having family visit me and then the toilet began overflowing because of too much toilet paper being flushed down.
My appointment wasn’t very fun but I’ve got some answers. I have tendinitis in my rotator cuff. It’s not a tear yet, but is still painful. Apparently I’ve got a big knot there and the pain and strain is leading to increased tension in the muscles down my neck and back.
I’ve been given instructions for exercises, prescriptions for more Tylenol and now Ibuprofen to reduce the inflammation, advice to alternate ice and heat, and finally if I’m not better in 6-8 weeks I’ll have to go back in for the next step of pain relief which could be a cortisone shot or muscle relaxer. I’d like to avoid the cortisone shots because they could weaken the tendons and ligaments, though.
I picked up my medicines a little while ago. I added the two dollars I’d found at the beginning of the month to my bank account so I could buy cheap French fries off the McDonald’s app. It was a large and I ate them while I was walking home.
I took one of the ibuprofen after I’d eaten. I’m hoping that it’s going to help ease the pain a little bit.
The other problem I have to deal with is working on the knot. I don’t have anyone close to me who can try and massage it, I don’t have a massaging tool like the Dr suggested, and looking online during the ride home I found alternatives like a tennis ball? I don’t have one of those so I tried using a big pill bottle. It isn’t perfect, but it’s better than nothing. I can push my back against the wall and roll it back and forth over the sore spot. I really just need a bigger wall since I first tried on a doorframe.
I ended up hearing from the imaging people to confirm my appointment and it turns out that the appointment times were a bit confusing because it’s two scans at once- I have to be there by 7:40 and it’s going to be such a long scan.
I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get to gamer’s group.
He actually sounded pretty mentally ill. Glad you had your airdrop off. I usually don't use mine either. Better to keep safe.
You are right about getting a lot accomplished today even if it was painful. I bet the medication and the exercises will help after a few days though. At least that is what I am hoping for you. The pill bottle instead of the tennis ball sounds pretty great. What a creative way to think through a solution. Is everything against the wall or is some of it on the bed or floor. I don't know if you would have more room there. That knot is going to loosen up.
Good luck with the next scans and getting to the gaming group. I can tell how hard you are trying to do everything. Keep up the good work.
Thanks.
He was scary and stupid but I’m not going to let him scare me away from where I go to therapy or my gamer’s group.
The exercises can be done on the floor or bed, while standing next to a wall, or next to a doorway with an elastic band. Those are for gentle stretches and strengthening.
The pill bottle is pretty big (it’s one of the ones my friend got me from Costco) so using it against a wall, doorframe, or door should be an okay way to try and massage out the knot. A lot of my space is covered by furniture or has too many windows, so I think I’ll try it against my door.
I doubt I can use the floor because I’d hurt my arm and shoulder trying to get up or down.
I’d also gotten a call yesterday after that awful experience with that man. I was drained and in way too much pain from my shoulder, so when my DOR counselor called to talk about how my job development was going, if I was still hunting, and so on.
I told her that I was doing the best I can but yes, it was coming close to the time to change job developers since nothing was happening. That her boss was creating deadlines for clients that hadn’t found work yet. My counselor said that I need to call her at the beginning of the month to get things in motion to find a new job developer, that I can’t stop looking for work that I’m required to look. I agreed and made a note on my phone’s calendar so I won’t forget.
I hope that your physical pain started to lessen a bit today now that you have the medications and exercise. It does take time though and I imagine it is especially hard in the morning and evening when you are tired. Keep working on the healthy eating because that also helps with pain management - especially getting a fairly decent breakfast.
You definitely go up and down in the job search but some different assistance would be good at this point. Putting it on your calendar to look is a great idea. You could even set a timer each day to search for 20 minutes or so. Making it a daily practice can help.
But none of it is easy. You really are doing good things. You just get over this little bump and move onwards. @integrityblues
It was a little less painful but working on that knot is pretty bad. Im trying to do the exercises and massaging.
When I got back from the mri appointment I just laid down. I didn’t bother to go to group because it was going to take too long. I just laid there and read the cervical spine report. I already had degenerative disc disease, so on top of that some of the discs are becoming herniated, bulging, or showing signs of bone spurs. Ugh, bone spurs!
I’m not excited for that. I also had to keep checking on the other mri of my brain because the page wouldn’t load. When I finally read it it was fairly standard- I still have four lesions but they’ve not gotten any bigger, and even have a standard shape that describes how they’ve spread in a pattern called Dawson’s Fingers. Basically it’s elongated flame shapes…my existing demyelination is pretty ***. Cue a guitar riff or drum solo!
It’ll be easier to do all of it once I get myself on a better schedule. That and get paid. I should set out timers and notes to remind me to look for work, to do chores, and so on.
I’m going to try my best to get some of that stuff done starting tomorrow while balancing shoulder care.
I dreamt that I got a job at my old college library. It was some kind of research and organization thing where I had to be as knowledgeable as possible to help people in the library.
The shift was Monday to Friday and I was worrying over being able to get home in time to handle trash cans, but also riding a bicycle there and back.
I woke up confused and a little sad that I hadn’t really found employment, but got up just enough to take my pills and my shot and grabbed a couple of ice packs.
One for my injection site and the other for my shoulder. I’d massaged it a little and it’s still very sore but I noticed that sleeping wasn’t as painful as it’s been the last few days. I was even able to carefully roll out of bed and sit up without as much pain.
You are going to get there. It is great that the pain is at least a little better.
I love the idea of setting a daily alarm to do the job hunt work. Just 20 minutes would feel satisfying.
Maybe your dream was telling you to go to the library. It would be a great place to do the job hunting and you would get a walk in to get there. Also a great place to volunteer a little or find a book club.
You worry about each medical issue as it comes rather than thinking about how things might turn out. All you have to do right now is worry about healing that shoulder. @integrityblues
I’m working hard to fix my shoulder. I’d noticed it yesterday but some of my fingers on my right hand have gone numb, I think I might have pinched a nerve in my shoulder or neck.
I slept till noon and got outside in the early evening to walk. My knees were so sore but at least I wasn’t experiencing muscle spasms if I happened to move my right arm.
I’ve used a heating pad and taken my evening meds plus an ibuprofen and two acetaminophen. I’ll apply some Bengay too.
my job developer called and said she’s very sick but we’ve scheduled a Zoom call for Monday. I told her about the call I have to make to my counselor to talk about contacting a new job developer. My current one wasn’t pleased by that.
The dream had a lot of stuff about me stealing things before I got the job. Like I’d attempted to steal a bike but was caught by the owner and was able to talk my way out of it. Something about how I felt very guilty and didn’t want to do it but needed it.
I dreamt that I was running errands. I went to the grocery store and at self-checkout some guy who insisted on standing directly behind me even though there were five other self-checkout stands open. He got annoyed when I stopped what I was doing to get a box of instant apple cinnamon oatmeal that was sitting on a nearby shelf between two of the self-checkout stands. I told him to just use another check stand.
I left in my mother’s car. I think that it was supposed to look like the car my mom was driving when I was in high school. Several times during the drive I’d remember that I’d never actually learned how to drive and panic. I drove back to our home in the trailer park we used to live in and got into an accident as I was entering, then as I was trying to make it to our place and park in front of it I didn’t look both ways and was hit by a massive garbage truck!
I was fine but the car was beat up.
I woke up a little after a scene where my younger sister was telling me how to make sure that the car was off and locked (a completely inaccurate “just turn the key in the ignition till you hear the engine turn on”).
My neck and shoulder hurt so I’m going to try and massage the shoulder and Bengay the neck and lay back down.
You are doing all that you can for your shoulder. I am glad that you are getting out walking as well. Remember that morning and evening can be the worst because of how you sleep and then how tired you get at night.
I am pretty muscle tired tonight myself. We have been doing some planting outside and that very much involves muscles that I am not used to using.
I hope that things work out the the job developer situation. I am sure that her being sick made things tougher today.
May you have a restful night and wake up tomorrow with that shoulder just a little better. @integrityblues
I’m going to try my best.
I walked this morning to the corner and back, then got back inside to rest. Then I made eggless peanut butter cookies. They aren’t that great but they were okay enough to satisfy my sweet tooth and have enough left over for tomorrow.
I’m baking some chicken breasts with bell pepper strips for dinner. Leftovers will be for chicken sandwiches or added to pasta.
I’m going to get to speak to my psych nurse aunt. She’ll probably fit me in between church and Bible study and looking after her grandchildren.
It’s still nice.
I’m glad you’ve been doing some planting. When in doubt try and soak in a nice warm Epsom salt bath. It doesn’t take much and it can help with the muscle pain.
Walking to the corner and back is great. You are also cooking some good food for yourself. The cookies sound lovely. Peanut butter can be a good protein.
You are trying. I hope that you have a lovely conversation with your aunt today.
Thanks for the epsom salt advice. I am still a little sore in terms of reaching down to the ground. Not the best eating day for me except for breakfast with a whole wheat bagel and a clementine. Otherwise it was lots of snacking due to my schedule. Tomorrow will hopefully be better. I will try to cook up some roasted veggies and a cucumber/radish salad for tomorrow night.
@integrityblues
I’m sorry I didn’t respond last night. I was just so tired and worn out.
My conversation was okay. She’s doing okay, just a touch stressed because after a long day of speaking to her patients, her friends text or call and want to talk to her too but she just wants to decompress.
I’d slacked off on the heat and ice therapy for my shoulder so the pains are getting worse again. It’s the morning so I’m icing my injection site, the shoulder, and also the back of my neck. The too tight trapezius muscle might be compressing a nerve to make my some of my fingers on my right hand go numb. It’s either that or my shoulder.
For now I’m just trying to mentally prepare myself for my job development Zoom.
I’m sure that your roasted veggies and salad is very good.
If I get myself into the shower and dry off I’ll try and go to my pharmacy to pick up my modafinil.
Last night I took one of the chicken breasts and bell peppers I baked and chopped it up for sandwiches.
Tonight I’ll make some whole wheat penne and add in the last chicken breast and bit of bell peppers with a little I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Light and Mrs. Dash.
I was dumb and I haven’t eaten at all. I was just so busy with preparing for my appointment and doing small chores that it slipped my mind. I’ve been drinking plenty of water though.
My appointment wasn’t great. Instead of accepting that since there’s been no success and I should get another job developer she’s pushing back. I’ve told her that the bottom line is getting a job and she’s intent on the fact that our agreement is good till June.
After that I went to get my prescriptions. After I got home and sat back at the computer I opened some mail that’s been sitting on my desk: one was junk, and the other two were important. The first was a notice about my dental insurance no longer being accepted in my county, that I’d be receiving a packet to assign my dental care to someone else. The second was a letter from my medication company lab saying they’d only pay for one month of my increased prescription of Modafinil. I’ll handle the dental thing but the issues I’m going to have getting in contact with the neurologist to change my prescription so I can avoid having to pay for it all myself.
And then after I had to take a break from applying to jobs because my right hand is actually hurting with how numb the fingers are, I laid down and got the worst news.
National Novel Writing Month is over- the non-profit that runs it and the website is closing for good because they can’t afford to maintain it and have been having more and more trouble doing so for years.
I’ve participated since 2008, so since it’s officially closing down I will have made it a total of 16 years. It’s weird that I’m sad. I mean, I’ve been sad for awhile because a scandal destroyed the forums so none of use could interact through the website anymore. It made NaNo extremely lonely.
And now it’s going to be gone completely.
I’m almost embarrassed over how sad this is actually making me!
You are allowed to be sad. It has been a connecting point for you and has allowed you to really write which is a passion of yours. That month is October normally, correct? I know that it feels like the site is no more, but my guess is that there might be other people that feel like you do. Keep your eyes open and someone might revive it in some way. But for now of course you are allowed to be sad.
Do keep eating, drinking and icing/heating that shoulder. You have had a number of rougher issues today and if you slack off on the physical stuff to take care of yourself you won't have the mental energy to solve them and they will feel worse.
You do have a good handle on what the issues are though. Work on solving one at a time.
If you do continue to work with the same job developer, you have done a great job of putting her on notice. She may begin to actually pay attention to what you need in terms of a job and figure out better ways to help you. At least we can hope.
Sending more strength and peace tonight. @integrityblues
Thanks.
I diced up the final chicken breast and bell peppers and heated it up in the microwave. So I at least had a solid meal for dinner.
The month was November. I suppose that I can still try and write a 50,000 word novella in November, it’s just going to feel different once the site dies. I liked the anonymity it offered, everyone went by usernames and unless you participated in community activities you didn’t have to interact with a person in the flesh if you didn’t want to. I used to do NaNo with an ex friend so I’d never gotten the urge to share the experience again.
I made sure to do the exercises for my shoulder, I’ve iced it and also used the heating pad, massaged, and took medicine for pain. I’m going to try and rest more.
I’m on my way home after spending most of the day with my mom. Our call this morning was just sad- she was so scattered and confused about having to pay her rent but she had no clue that she’d gotten her first check in.
I was up and ready within 15 minutes and left to fix her problems. She told me that she’d seen the social worker but sent him away because she thought he was trying to scam her or throw her in the hospital. Thankfully he’d given her his card so after I revealed all of the effort it took to get that ball rolling, not to mention the idiotic feeling of guilt, she calmed down and accepted for that moment that she should call him back and apologize so that things could begin.
Once I was on my way my mom warned me that my younger sister had come with the dog to go to the GR office. I didn’t turn around after she said that but was kind of disappointed. When I finally got there in the afternoon my sister and the dog were leaving. She seemed far more stable than I’ve seen in awhile and my mom mentioned that my sister is now on medicine.
After me and my mom shared some of the Mom’s Meals her insurance is now paying for again and chatted we got to work on the things that needed to be done.
I tried to set her up for auto pay for her rent but to get it paid on time I had to do a one time payment with her card. I saved it to the site so when the time comes again I won’t have to come in person to help her with it.
I found the right numbers to call for Spectrum Mobile and Spectrum because when I arrived she showed me a massive overdue bill that wouldn’t be paid completely with what she had left over after the rent. We got it sorted out, I balanced the transaction register for her so she could see what she had left over.
We got a technician from Spectrum to talk with us about how to fix my mom’s WiFi and when we couldn’t do it ourselves they sent someone to help us. After that was taken care of and I interceded during another phone call from a friend of my mom’s who’d been calling repeatedly to ask for 20 bucks he’d loaned my mom. I told him we intended to get it to him but that he’d have to wait while my mother’s bills were seen to first.
He apologized to me and later called my mom again to apologize to her. We got that call once we were back from the corner store because my mom wanted a soda, cigarettes, and to get the 20 bucks for him.
When there was a lull between bill paying I had a call with my DOR counselor for 15 minutes about asking about my job development and the efforts I’ve made, as well as the changes to my job hunting. We agreed that I’d stay with my current developer because I still had a few months, but that I’d give her monthly updates about how I was doing.
Now I’m halfway home and tired.