My 7 Cups Dream Journal
Entry 1: The Boxes of Cats
It was a little strange but what I remember most is visiting a house that was in my old neighborhood that I’d recently moved from (it really wasn’t, so dream logic) but I came back to collect something I left or my mother left.
It was very sad and the people who were there now were sort of okay with me wandering around and looking. I kept noticing the signs that I’d once lived there (painted over places that still revealed chipped paint and stuff I recognized from my apartment).
Then I looked beneath a couch or table and found boxes full of kittens. Two boxes were full of meowing kittens in water that the new home owners had no idea were there, and one more box held a very dead cat that was an older one from a previous litter. All of the kittens were starving without their mother and I knew that it was the reason why the older one passed.
The new owners suddenly smelled the dead cat and I took it upon myself to get rid of it. When I came back an hour later all of the kittens were gone, and when I was walking past another house I could see all the kittens. They’d all grown up into adult cats!
Well, I love the Barnes and Noble part of the dream until the dentist stuff started to come up. I am not much of a dentist fan either. There were lots of your anxieties hidden in that dream.
I hope that the last few days have gone a bit better for you and your stresses are staying in your dreams rather than in your real life.
Lots of peace and strength coming your way!
Yes, I’ve been very anxious over lots of things.
As I’ve been preparing for my visit with my mom I’ve been focusing first on getting my stuff done.
I’ve been doing laundry in small loads, just one load a day so I wouldn’t overexert myself moving my tiny washing machine, lifting it to drain the water, and handling the small loads of laundry. Yesterday I did my bedding and today I did some clothing and small things. Tomorrow I’m going to wash my hoodie and some other shirts so I have more choices for what to wear to see my mom.
I got a call from the place I go to therapy and I was finally assigned a new therapist. I’m seeing her on the 16th at 2 p.m. and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to schedule in the morning for the future appointments.
I’m going to look at my paperwork again for getting new dental insurance. I’ve given myself a deadline to have it done by the 9th.
I’m going to try and rest tonight. I’m only going outside tomorrow to pick up what Friday trash day mess I feel able to. No sweeping like last week.
Woo hoo! A new therapist lined up is great. You are doing a great job in going slow and figuring out the laundry and trash cans.
I know you will figure out the dental stuff as well. It is all little steps and you are taking them towards some good goals.
Sending lots of peace and less stress-filled nights.
Thanks.
I didn’t overdo it yesterday. Today I’d stuck my head out because we had a lot of police cars and a huge fire truck out there.
I’d asked my neighbor who was playing with his son how things were as I checked my mail, and he told me about how someone decided to put frozen fish fillets on the grass and that now that they’d been defrosted in the sun yesterday they’d begun to stink up the place.
I nodded and said I’d take care of it by bagging up the mess and throwing it out in the trash. While I was doing that I also scooped up the poop.
So I was a little more productive.
I finished washing my hoodie today.
At first I thought I wasn’t going to be able to handle seeing my mom tomorrow because I’d had a bit of stomach troubles on Friday. It was a bit of my diet has been rather bad this close to the end of the month (I’ve been eating a lot of toast or egg sandwiches) and I’d had some sugar free jello. My stomach hadn’t been pleased.
It probably didn’t help that I’ve been experiencing a resurgent period with cramps and spotting too. It’s just so stupid.
Now that I’m sure that my stomach is good for a 2 hr adventure I’ll make the trip and continue to eat bland food like dry toast or applesauce.
Now I’m going to take a nice hot shower so I won’t travel with wet hair tomorrow. I have to dress for the higher afternoon temperatures, so it’ll be a shorts t-shirt and hoodie sort of morning so I’ll be just warm enough to be comfortable. That and I can always tie the hoodie around my waist in the afternoon.
I hope that you’re feeling a little bit better, bestVase!
Oof, today was a long one. I lost 6 lbs this week because between my lack of appetite, being so sore, and not having as much food I’ve just not been consuming as much. It’s probably a bit of water weight too.
I helped my mom by getting her to call Lively and discuss her auto pay and if she can change it- they told her that she could just pay on the third.
I wrote out phone numbers and instructions for contacting Spectrum and Spectrum mobile when she gets paid on the third, and that if they tell her again that they can’t accept her payment type but still blame her payment type to call her Direct Express and ask if there’s a problem.
I wrote out a budget for her with plenty of leeway outlining her bills and the necessary things so she could still reasonably afford her cigarettes.
She had none left after my younger sister came over a couple days ago so she was very focused on being able to get them. She even asked a friend in the neighborhood if he could loan her a couple.
The trip home was a bit longer than usual so once I was finally home I covered my sore knees with Bengay.
I’ve rested a bit and now I’m going to use the last egg in the fridge to make an egg sandwich. I might add a bowl of instant cream of wheat to make a bigger meal.
I can understand the "oof" but it sounds like you have done pretty well the last few days. I especially liked how you wrote your mom out a budget. Hopefully that will help her some to have it on a piece of paper. It sounds like you did a good job with the phone too. She should be set for the month.
I hope that your stomach also adjusts a bit soon. Sometimes those "fake sugar" jello things can impact you in weird ways. But you were trying to diet which is good overall. But losing all that weight all at once is just no fun (though keeping off the weight would be nice). It doesn't help your energy levels especially. You are eating really good things though in terms of getting some protein and the applesauce/dry toast will hopefully help settle thing soon.
I hope that today you have been able to recover a bit. Things are okay here, though I am on the "worry bus" a bit with my parents as well. It is tough trying to balance everything.
I’ve been struggling a bit with my energy today, not unusual considering the trip yesterday and how little I’ve been doing as I treat my shoulder.
I managed to get a couple of things done. Made a budget for myself and a grocery list, cleared off my table and set up my dad’s candle. It’s sitting on a plate in the center of the table to make certain it won’t fall or heat up the table top.
I’m going to light it at sunset. It should burn till the 8 pm the next day. When I go outside to shop I’ll put the candle into a sauce pan in the sink so it’s safe.
I’m going to get some ibuprofen, things to eat since I’ve been so hungry the last few weeks, and stretch my legs. I’m going to order that shoulder ice pack from Amazon too.
I’m sorry that you’re on the worry bus too.
I hope that your shoulder is a bit better today. Taking time to rest, ice it, and use some pain meds will hopefully help.
How did the candle for your dad go? It sounds lovely. Does it have a pleasant fragrance to it? I try to burn candles occasionally when I want to reorient how I am thinking about things. I love watching the flame.
Did you find some good, healthy stuff to eat to fill your stomach? Being hungry is understandable if you lost weight that quickly. We had a nice pan of roasted vegetables and potatoes tonight.
Still pretty worried about mom and dad but am hoping that visiting this weekend will make things feel a little better. @integrityblues
Thanks, bestVase. I’ve been icing and resting but also doing more of the exercises that were mentioned during the first drs appointment to increase strength and stability for the rotator cuff.
The candle lighting went well. It was still burning at 5 a.m. but since I had to leave and see my mom again today I blew the candle out for the sake of safety. It had burned for well over the required 24 hours.
The candle I’ve used is odorless, but after you asked I looked it up to see scented yahrzeit candles. They exist! A quick search informed me that the odorless ones are similar to the ones that would be used at Temple, but scented ones could be nice for the family home. That they can be bought online in various scents. I think the real difference ends up being price- the standard one I pick up at the grocery store is less than 2 bucks while the others are often much fancier or decorated and go for quite a bit more. I think the difference is really in the name too and the scented ones are called mourning or bereavement candles instead of just yahrzeits.
I like scented candles too. I used to love getting these aromatherapy candles from Walgreens; my favorite was a honey and vanilla one for calming. That or I just liked the scent of honey and vanilla.
If had more money I would have sprung for a new one but I’ve got several half burned candles I got during an emergency once.
I haven’t been eating especially healthy. The first few days after being paid is like nothing but feasting after a long famine. I’m going to try and go shopping tomorrow because my food stamps will be in and I can get some good stuff. I want salad and frozen vegetables, more eggs, and the ingredients I’ll need to make a Pistachio Ricotta Coffee Cake. If it’s good I’ll make a second one to freeze for my friend if she visits.
Today’s visit with my mom was so long. My younger sister was there with her dog, cleaning up after taking a bath, but it took her so long to leave that I wasn’t able to address my mom’s Spectrum bills before my job development Zoom.
I ended up doing the meeting, then after it was done I sat down with my mom and started helping her learn how to use my younger sister’s phone. They’d traded phones because my mom was so frustrated with her senior smartphone and wanted her little flip phone. They’d kept their SIM cards but I had to make sure my mom had my number and my older sister’s number.
Then I sent her the picture I’d taken of my younger sister’s dog as he tried to get comfortable against my mom’s pillow in bed. He was very sweet.
Today was a victory because after all that was done I got her to call Spectrum (also easily because I’d added the number to her phone) and though it took several bouts of being in hold we got her Spectrum internet paid and changed her auto pay to the 10th, then paid her Spectrum Mobile bill and what was left of her old Spectrum cell phone plan so they we could finally just disconnect the number and cancel the service all together since that phone is broken and is likely at a city dump.
It took almost a year to finally do it and I’m glad it’s over. My mom won’t have to worry over the extra bill and will be able to cover the internet bill now that it’s going to be paid earlier in the month.
She should have just enough to get through to her next check at the end of the month as long as she doesn’t buy too many cigarettes.
Once that was all done I suggested we walk to the store and celebrate with a soda and when she said she needed denture glue we hit the nearest pharmacy to get both.
I eventually left and went all the way home. Now I’m exhausted and deciding that I’m going to mostly stay in bed tomorrow.
I’m sorry about the worry. I hope that your visit is pleasant and your parents don’t offer any surprises.
After the longest day helping my mom I ended up coming home and going to bed. I woke up today for a little bit then went back to sleep for nearly 8 hours today.
I feel a little bit better for it, had lasagna for dinner, and made a few changes to my Netflix account. I got a Netflix card and added it there so I could take my debit card off it.
I bought a new trash can for my bathroom too but won’t be able to get it from the same Target where I have two other orders waiting. I have to go to another one nearby once the order is ready.
I’m going to bring my shopping cart with me to the first Target so I can drag it home and off and on the bus.
I’m also going to hose down the trash cans because it’s been long enough. The last time had to have been in March and when I was speaking to my neighbor who’s been helping move them for pick up and he mentioned the smell.
I’m hoping that my shoulder ice pack gets here on Saturday, not Sunday like the email now says.
I hope that you’re doing well. I know the weekend visit is coming up, so I’m wishing you luck early.
Lots of good stuff overall here. I am currently with my cousin at my parents and right now things are good. Everyone else is resting. We got to watch an old film with Dad and that went okay.
You did good work with your mom and I am glad that you got the one phone bill finally figured out. It sounded like your sister was minimally calmer even if she stayed long. I can see why you needed solid rest the day after though.
I hope all your food buying goes well. The cake sounds like a nice one. I don't know how ricotta cheese freezes though. Because I am with family I haven't been eating as well as I should myself. I am hoping to go to a Grain and Berry place for a nice fruit bowl tomorrow though.
I am constantly burning older candles. They do last a long time. No matter what kind you burn I am sure that it is great. When I was much younger, I spent a summer at an early American history village dipping candles. It is an interesting process to watch the wax build up, but it is very hot work. I don't have any particular scent that I like though I am not a huge fan of lavender.
It sounds like you are doing good things for your shoulder. I hope that you have success with cleaning the trash cans. It will be nice to get a new one for you as well. May your new ice pack arrive soon.
I’m glad you got to have a nice time with your parents.
You’re right about the ricotta. Everything I looked up about baking with it says it’s kind of like when you bake something with cream cheese. Mostly that freezing will change the texture a little. Fingers crossed that it won’t be awful when I bake it the first time.
The trash can I ordered was canceled this morning because it was out of stock at the second store too.
I was so frustrated because I don’t know if or when I’ll be reimbursed. I just took the small trash can I leave in my living room and put it in the bathroom instead. I was just glad to finally be throwing out my old trash can- it was another of the things I’ve been holding onto because my late friend helped get it forever ago, but I finally couldn’t accept using it- it’s been broken for awhile and when I took it out to the trash this morning I pressed on the part that was peeling away from the glue and broke it open so the garbage men would actually pick it up as they’re famous for not disposing of actual trash cans.
My other candles are cedar and spice, sugar blossom, wild mint and white tea.
The cedar and spice one was what I got for an early holiday gift. The others were half burnt ones my aunt collected for my use during a big storm.
I like mint. Mint is so refreshing, but I also like honey and vanilla, and others.
I got my orders from Target (except that trash can), got some lunch, then went outside after a rest to hose down the trash cans, clean them up, and hose down the side walk and property.
After all that was done I went to the grocery store and accidentally temporarily locked my debit card at checkout when I kept putting my food stamp pin. I had to pay with my credit card I just paid off.
The bill was only a little over 25 bucks, so I’m going to pay the bill early once it’s no longer pending to try and avoid more fees.
I just got another message from Amazon and it says I’ll be getting the order tomorrow! I’ll be so excited, bestVase!
I am so sorry for missing an extra night. My cousin is a talker and we had to drive back to my house yesterday and thus everything was late. But it was a good visit and she left this morning. It was interesting because my father was much more engaged in the conversation because she kept asking him about past memories. I think we sometimes all get so caught up in our parents' present troubles that we forget the relief they get in talking about the past.
I am so glad that you got your order coming in after all. You do deserve a new trash can and the other stuff from Target. You will do a good job figuring out the finance end of things. How did the coffee cake go? It did sound like it would be really nice fresh. I was able to make us some nice chicken and green beans for our dinner tonight.
The candles sound lovely. I like mint too, but one of my sons doesn't. It is like the one smell/taste that he can't stand. It makes going to the dentist or finding toothpaste interesting.
I hope that your shoulder hasn't been bothering you too much.
It’s okay bestVase. I’m glad you had some time with your parents and your cousin.
Yeah, that trash can was so canceled that I got my 3 bucks back since the payment was pending. I got the orders that had all my period stuff, toothpaste and mouthwash, and lots of toilet paper.
I haven’t made the coffee cake yet. When I got back from seeing my mom the day before I was half dead. Even though I was wearing my new shoulder ice pack.
My mom also decided to tell me that my younger sister must have given her something with a rash, hinting that it could be an sti and seriously freaking me out because I’d been less cautious while at my mom’s and had my hands on all sorts of things.
I forced myself to just take a long hot shower and get my head on straight- that I didn’t catch a virus or anything else because it’s extremely hard to catch anything like that without extremely close contact or sharing toothbrushes. I finally told my mom that her itchiness could be from the dog’s fleas or her own diaper rash.
I’ve calmed down today and focused on signing up for a new dental plan since mine won’t be accepted starting July. I also called up PT to confirm what’s happening with my referral! Apparently the strike that happened around the time I got the referral had made it so hardly anyone was getting the appointment. I should hear from them in 3 weeks. I’m probably going to go to urgent care again for another shot so I can make it through PT.
I might go to the store and pick up some odds and ends. My legs are still sore from yesterday’s trip, so I’m not sure. My shoulder aches and hurts my arm and wrist. If I do go out I’m putting on the ice pack.
Your dinner sounds really good!
I agree that you probably didn't catch anything, but sorry to hear about your mom's rash. There are so many possible causes, but the fleas or just the heat in general might be culprits.
Hopefully that ice pack you can travel with will continue to help with your shoulder. That is too bad about having to wait on the PT but at least you can finally start figuring out a plan. But someone should have gotten in touch. What a bad time for a strike. Did you figure out the dentist as well?
It sounds like you are continuing to get some good exercise as you get out walking. Did you rest enough to make the coffee cake? I may try making some banana bread tomorrow as we have way too many bananas.
I changed my dental plan on Monday so I’ll still be going to the same dentist that takes my new insurance. I’ll get the paperwork and cards in the mail soon so I’ll be ready.
I had to go to urgent care again last night because nothing I did eased the pain. I got an X-ray and it showed nothing so they ordered an MRI that I scheduled for tomorrow morning. I was prescribed some 600 mg ibuprofen and more ointments, but couldn’t get them till this morning so my sleep was awful. I kept waking up to change ice packs.
I have no energy or real want to make the coffee cake just yet. Maybe when my arm and shoulder doesn’t hurt as badly. I’m trying to not overuse my right arm.
I wish I was walking enough right now. The most I can do is hunch and try really hard not to twinge my dumb muscles in my arm shoulder or neck.
Your banana bread will be great! If you can’t use all of them you can peel the bananas and freeze them. That’s how I’d make banana ice cream.
I did my mri and eventually got the results. I have tendinosis and a tear somewhere deeper in my rotator cuff.
The ibuprofen and Tylenol isn’t really working, neither of the creams are either, and I’m panicking because I’m approaching another night of hardly any sleep.
When I got home with my aching shoulder I decided to try and heat up my shoulder wrap and use heat instead to treat the pain, thinking that maybe I was making it worse with all the ice. When I did a second round I accidentally made the gel leak and smoke, so that was basically just four days of use. I bought a second one and paid the extra fee to get it tomorrow.
I don’t really know what to do anymore.
I’m not doing well. I think tomorrow I’m going to try and reach out to my dr to schedule an appointment so we can discuss next steps and also make it very clear that I’m in so much pain just living with this.
I’ve been crying and crying because I’m scared and desperate.
Sending you tons of soft, gentle hugs and peace this evening. Pain really can be overwhelming at times. I am right there with you.
Remember that a solution is out there. I know that you are in serious pain which increases the panic which increase the pain. It is such a vicious cycle. But the doctor is going to come up with some answers for you. You are going to be able to get him to see your pain and if not then you find another doctor. You do deserve some sleep.
Keep alternating the heat and the ice to find something that works. Don't forget to keep eating and try to make it as healthy as you can. You need the energy from the good food to keep the pain away. Drinking water is good too.
You still managed to solve the dental issue so that is great. When you can, read a book or find some other distractions.
There is going to be another side to this. You have found some healing before and you will again. You are braver and stronger than you realize.
Thank you. It’s hard for me to use my right arm and hand without causing more pain. I might not be able to hold a book but I could try and listen to an audiobook.
I got a 2p.m. therapy appointment on Monday so I’ll have a chance to air out a lot of this frustration.
I didn’t have a chance to call the Dr. I looked at the papers I was given and it said to call if I’m not feeling better within five days, so if nothing has changed I’ll call on Monday and see what I can get out into motion.
I did some okay things today in spite of the pain. I slowly took out my trash in stages. I did the little physical therapy exercises I’ve got this morning and this evening.
I got my new shoulder ice pack this afternoon and after it had gotten a little cold in the freezer I put it on and walked to the store for food. The ice pack got more uncomfortable as it got warm so instead of walking home I took the nearby bus.
If I can slowly sort my laundry and put together a load I’ll wash it tomorrow morning at my laundromat since there is no way I can move and lift the Twin Spin in my state.
And if I can get the courage I’ll tell my management company that I don’t think I can do the trash day chores and be the porter anymore.
I’m afraid to start the conversation because I’m worried they’ll raise my rent. Before they’d sold our property years ago they’d made sure to include a requirement that when it was taken over by new management my rent wouldn’t be increased as much as the others. I learned awhile ago when asking for greater compensation that I already got that since my rent was easily 300 bucks cheaper than the others.
I’m still thinking about it.
I hope that the pain was a little less today. Audiobooks are great. Anything that is a distraction.
But you are also doing great things as well in getting out to do the garbage and run errands. You will figure out the laundry as well.
Do have a nice chat with your therapist. She will hopefully have solid suggestions on how to approach doctors and get yourself some pain relief. Do make any phone calls that you can.
Wait just a little on making anything you say to the management company permanent. I would say something like "my pain levels are very high right now and I am struggling to do my normal tasks. I need some help for a bit and I am not entirely sure how fast I might heal." You don't know the future yet. I still believe that things are going to get better again.
Sending lots of strength and peace once more. @integrityblues
The pain woke me up much earlier this morning and I had to use the heat wrap every few hours because of the persistent pains.
I stayed in bed and watched Netflix while I was waiting for my aunt to call me back. She eventually got back to me and we chatted about all the things that have been worrying me like my shoulder, money, and my future talk with the management company.
I did almost half the laundry yesterday and left out the biggest items like the sheets and blankets. The worst part was that I’d only had access to the big dryers that were closer to the ground so I’d had to kneel and reach in to get the clothes out.
I think that’s a good idea for my email to management. My worry is that it’s possible I’m going to have to make necessary lifestyle changes that will include no heavy lifting. I still have to see how I handle the pt and future scans.
I had an interesting dream early this morning. I’d mistakenly gotten stuck on a train car that was winding through a shopping mall or college and once I realized I hadn’t paid my ticket and couldn’t jump off to where I needed to go.
Once I reached the end of the line I was greeted by a group of people who said that since I’d ridden the train without paying and stepped out there I’d have to work with them all on my problems.
I got real angry at them and tried to brush them off by being a jerk but they wouldn’t listen. I had to fill out a form about how I think and feel, and realized they could tell when I was lying.
I finally started answering truthfully, digging down to the deeper reasons why I say or do things, and I realized that it was a good thing. The group became my therapy group and I kept asking when I’d have to pay my fine for not getting a train ticket, but one of them shrugged and said they weren’t really going to do that. It was only a way to get me to slow down and accept help.
That sounds like a really interesting dream where you tried to work through what you need to be doing right now. Asking for help is a good thing. I am glad that you got a chance to talk to your aunt.
Have you gotten any work from the doctor on next steps to deal with your shoulder? A lot of what you are dealing with right now is unknowns. That's very much making the pain worse. The more you advocate for yourself the better.
I am glad that you were able to get at least a little laundry done. You are moving forward whether it feels like it or not.
I am sending you even more healing vibes tonight. One step at a time it is going to happen. @integrityblues
I just got the call from orthopedic and my appointment is for July 25th. At first I was okay that the appointment was made at all, and then I started fixating on the idea that my pain could get worse again in the next 34 days. That my pt appointment might come up first at the end of this month and it’ll make the pain worse too.
It’s bad enough too that the orthopedic appointment is an hour away from me too. I’m going to ask one of my aunts to drive me…
I’m trying to not get too upset over all of the things I will never be able to control. I’m just scared at all of this staring over again, or that later on I’ll have more problems.