My battle with depression
I don't know what I need to feel whole again. All I know is that at 13 years old it felt like a switch had been flipped and I no longerfelt like a person. I don't know what is missing and I'm not sure if I know how to be "happy" again.
Somewhere between 35 and 40 I hit that same wall. I had been through a lot in my marriage, basically I stopped caring about everything. I realized the only thing that kept me going was my son. I live and breathe for him. You're a little young for that ... I hope :) But my point is: Search your life, there may be one thing there that makes you feel, lets you remember what it's like to care, one ray of sunshine in the dark... one point or one place or one person that you can look at and remember how to smile. For me, it was him... he never knew it, still doesn't know it. When I can't get up, don't care, want to curl up and never come back... I think of him. That thought pulls me through the dark and I get back on my feet for a day. See if you can find a spark... that reminds you that things are ok in your head, they're just buried. Focus on that spark every day... even if you never tell anyone. And hopefully it will get you through until you find another... and another :)
Why dont you consult with a doctor? Maaybe some of your neurotransmisors arent working well.
What do you have for lose with the consult? You are not having a good life.
Give you a chance
I'm currently speaking to a therapist and on some anti-depressants. Not everything is magically better, but there have been some improvements. I have longer periods of feeling okay, but when my mood falls it feels like it just crashes. It's a battle, but I'm trying to take it day to day
I was on celexa for awhile. Really made me feel normal most of the time, and no side effects. Still bad days now & then, everyone had them... Ours are worse than most. Yes, like a crash, there's nothing between "good day" and "horrible day". But I found that (after a few bad tried with other drugs) that one helped
I think that this is a great start towards your happiness, take it one day at a time, and try to focus on the positive, and all the good in your life, and you will see that upon doing so, more positive and good wil happen, it is law, the law of attraction.