Needing love
I've been feelings so lonely and unloved lately. My family doesn't believe in my (mental) illness in a way. They believe I have it, but they don't want to see it expressed, they want me to push myself beyond it and flip the switch in my head and decide to not let depression, anxiety and my physical chronic illness affect my daily life. Basically, I can be sick, as long as I keep on acting normally. They're not the kind of people who express love easily either, they don't say "I love you", not to me, and not to each other.
My close friends, I know they love me, they told me so, but they only tell me if I ask. They don't get in touch with me much unless I get in touch with them. And I have this constant feeling that if I died, no one would notice for a long time.
I just wish someone would express their love or care for me without me having to ask for it. I keep on waiting for my friends to reach out to me or to ask me if I'm okay, but I don't think anyone will. And eventually I feel everyone will just forget about me.
What is this thing with me with needing love and care for me so validated, and without me having asked for it? Am I being unreasonable for wanting this? Am I setting myself out for hurt by "testing" if my friends and loved ones reach out when they know I'm not well?
@StephanieEas ((((hugs)))) You are not being unreasonable at all!! Everyone wants to feel loved, to think they would be missed when they're gone, and to feel validated and cared for! It's a basic human need so you are definitely being totally reasonable wanting those things. I'm sorry your family isn't very knowledgable about mental illnesses and not very in tune with your needs and emotions, that sounds very invalidating. I think if we don't get what we need from our home life with family then it's normal to seek those validations from others, like friends. Friends are awesome, but I think like with anyone, sometimes they are so wrapped up in their own lives and battles that it's hard for them to see what's going on around them. I also think depression paints things a little differently... An example, maybe your family doesn't understand or check in with you and it causes you to think they don't care... In reality, your family really does care but unfortunately they're not properly educated about mental illness and lacking their own interpersonal skills to be able to be effective with offering help. Did that make sense? I hope it did, sorry if it didn't. Even though it feels like it at times, I promise you people care and you would not be forgotten <3
@StephanieEas I don't think you're being unreasonable by wanting some affection, it is something that everyone needs. I'm sorry to hear your parents aren't expressive of their love, and that you don't feel supported by them for your illness. Everybody is loved by somebody, so even if people don't say it at the moment, hopefully you'll find people that do :)