Not trusting own thoughts while depressed.
Hey, so when I get depression I have a strange sort of paranoid response to my own thoughts. It's like having two parts of myself fighting over which thoughts are true. I never told anyone about it because I'm completely rational when I'm not depressed (as far as I can tell). Anyway I wondered if this was something other people experience, as I haven't heard of anything like it. And just to clarify it's not like I have two different people in my head or anything. I just have the rational part of me arguing with the illogical, distrustful, paranoid part of me and only about my thoughts and only when I'm depressed. It's like constantly second guessing your own thoughts. I wonder if it's a thing and I just never heard of it or if I'm just weird. Or maybe it's totally normal and just no one ever talks about it... I think that's kind of unlikely though.
@HatsEatYou I don't know if what I experience is the same or not. I remember when I was in college my depression got really, really bad. I starting hating myself so much and thinking that other people thought I was completely worthless. And I remember a part of me (the logical part, I think) saying that it wasn't true. But it was like I was in a hole that I couldn't get out of. Like a self-hatred hole and getting out of it meant getting back to my normal self. It was almost like I couldn't--as hard as I tried--think a positive thought about myself or my life.
Recently a girl I went to school with sent me a message saying she hopes to see me again sometime because my spirit was really nice to be around. What!? But I was depressed and hated myself and thought no one else liked me! We never really know what other people think of us in life, whether we're depressed or not, but we really can't trust our perception when we're in a low place.
