Numbness

im new here, I just wanted somewhere to share my shitty little story without the difficulties of face to face conversation. Its not my real name but yall can call me celis. Ive been depressed for so long i cant remember what its like to not be depressed. It started way back in 6th grade with my best friend stabbing me in the back to make friends with the group that was picking on me and continued with my high school friend group making it clear that none of them actually ever cared about me in the first place, and now im 20, out of school, too broke for college, with no family, no friends remaining save one (a truly amazing friend and the only person on the planet i feel i can trust), a shitty dead end job. And now my shitty little life story has reached its peak with the realisation that my first and only ever girlfriend, that i spent the last 3 years with, never cared about me, and only used me to help deal with her insecurity. Once she finally got to a better place there she wasted no time cheating on me with 3-5 different men (3 i can prove, 2 i suspect but cant prove). The really shitty part is that honestly im not really even that upset about it. I just feel... numb. like i always expected this to happen. I dont enjoy anything anymore, i just live to eat and sleep. i have no one, nothing, and no visible route out of this. I dont hate myself. But i dont feel that i have anything to live for. I cant imagine a single thing on this planet that would bring me joy.