On a downward spiral
My mother-in-law has accused me of leaching off of my husband because I work for myself from home. She has no idea about the money I make. She knows nothing. I struggle with chronic health issues so getting a job out of the house is difficult.
My husband and I are in the process of buying a home and she gifted us money towards down payment and closing costs. She has now taken the money back because "I'm using my husband and she isn't going to support that".
I feel gutted over this. I know she's a very unhappy person and she does this kind of thing to everyone around her. She has no contact with anyone in her family and even missed her mother's funeral because she can't get along with anyone long enough to pay her respects.
i know I shouldn't let her bother me, but it is crushing me. And the more it brings me down, the more I kick myself for letting it. I'm not sleeping because I lay there wondering what I could have done different. I've gone out of my way to be the perfect daughter-in-law and I feel like she kicked me in the teeth. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 20 years with my ex and this is bringing up a lot of really painful buried memories.
i don't know what to do. I want to confront her on it but I know she will just make my husbands life hell. Her words have mirrored the ugly things depression tells me. What do I do to keep myself healthy and not make my husband's relationship with his mother any more difficult than it already is?
Some mother in laws can be a royal pain. You have to keep in mind she is miserable and misery loves company. Her family doesn't want to be with her. Listen to yourself because you're 100% correct in not letting her bring you down. Tell your husband that he may have to be the middle Man when it comes to communication between you two until she treats you with respect.
Regarding your work, your own own business or working from home isn't as glamorous as ppl think. There are peaks and valleys. Appreciate your husband for helping you through this phase because it will get better. That's what husbands and wives are, each other's strength when needed.
@Sdnf4Iawu thank you. Things are going well in my marriage and with my business. If she took one minute to ask about me, she would know this. Just because I don't punch a time clock does not mean I don't make money or contribute to our family.
i don't see our relationship ever being repaired. She's done this many times before. I've learned from past experience that people like this do not change, and I will not be treated like that by anyone. I'm done with her. I just need to figure out how to make that work and have it not ruin the little bit of the relationship my husband has left with her. She is his only family because she has pushed everyone so far away, that he has lost them, too.
Ever since this last incident, my anxiety has been out of control and it is making me physically sick. Can't eat, can't sleep, sweats, sick stomach, headaches, chest pains, the whole package. Even my Valium isn't helping to relieve it.
@Mastiffmomma I will say this. My mother acted real nasty toward my wife the week of the wedding. I came real close to uninviting her. My wife is sweet and didn't do anything to warrant that confrontation. It bothered my wife for some years. 4 years and one grandson later, my mom somehow changed. We live far away so we see her once a year and I'm not sure what sparked the change. My wife actually likes her now.
It's never too late for one to change, but don't hold your breath. I hope for the best for you and and your husband.
@Mastiffmomma
Sometimes in-laws are oblivious. Don't get dragged down to her level. It's not your fault that your outside work options are limited.
