On my own

I dont really know what to do with chronic depression when I have to hide it from people around me, simply because they dont take my illness seriously and will hurt me emotionally if Im truly open about how suicidal and depressed I am. Im really tired right now, so much that I cant motivate myself to do anything for my illness to be alleviated. Medication and countless therapists wouldnt work. And I lost the two most important people to me, mentally, in the span of 4 years. Since then, I kept having this feeling that I wont live past both those people (one passed at 20 and the other at 28) and I dont know how not to let those feelings eat me up.