Quit Romanticizing Depression!! [**Trigger Warning!**]

When Susie slits open her wrist and her blood stained tears trickle down her face, its not beautiful.

When Michael looks at food like its an anti-roach agent, its not beautiful.

When Martha screams and yells in agony and pain and has no one responding to her cries, its not beautiful.

When Arthur silently walks to school with big bags formed under his eyes from not sleeping, its not beautiful.

They dont show the signs and they may not necessarily speak of them but when they feel helpless and hopeless, their life feels like a dark void that they just seem to keep slipping into, when they see no end and when they are more than convinced to succumb to the mental drainage that they feel at any given occasion, its not beautiful. Feeling like you have reached a dead end and that you are banging on a door clasped shut, crying and wailing, and giving all you have to break it open but its just not happening, is not beautiful in any way. Its synonymous to a solitary confinement in a room as meek as your body, on a ship sailing but destined to lead nowhere. Depression is not beautiful and nothing about it is remotely glorifying or uplifting, depression is the gradual corrosion of the human psyche and its as lethal as any disease, but its just undercover from the naked eye. No one seems to notice while you gently die on the inside and your soul refrains from feeling yours anymore and it is harbored by a body that refuses to co-operate.

Being depressed is not what they flaunt over the Internet, its not mascara running down your cheeks and its not a temporary mental instability. Its never as they make it out to be, over dosage of pills because your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you, its never sad music and feeling your heart beat in sync with each lyric when you can abandon the rhythm within a days time. Depression cannot be paraphrased as the poetic darkness that the beings of the Internet wont terminate to possess, its not writing about ashes, guns, smoke, lipstick stains and dust. Poetry is beautiful as it is dark if its done right but nothing about depression comes close to being remotely beautiful. Or romantic.

Depression is not pretty, it's ugly. Its the ugliest thing you will ever see. Which ironically, you will never really see it unless you sail that ship. You cannot lay your eyes upon a person and declare him depressed, it does not work like other illnesses do. Depression, if put brutally, is the deterioration of your thoughts, its having a tap slowly drain the happiness out of you, its heading towards a tangible nothingness.

So, when Susie slit her wrists and bandaged them, wore a full sleeved tee, what people fail to see is how many times shes been called worthless in her life, the people that have spat in her face and chewed her up and spit her out, over and over again until she began to feel that it was all her fault and she decided to treat herself that way, self-harm. When Michael refuses food, no one knows of his eating disorder and how he has been bullied for having an excessive amount of adipose tissues than the rest. As Martha cries and wails, what most are unaware of is that she had been laughed at and giggled at when she let her emotions flow, how people pleasured from the pain that she could only seem to feel and not show, to an extent that it didnt matter anymore, her emotions were simmered to null for her. Arthurs insomnia was majorly influenced by the physical abuse he bore, his father venting his pent up frustration on him. And even if his fear exhausted him, his nightmares kept him up all night in a way that sleep became a memory so distant that it was no longer vivid.

Unlike most diseases, like illnesses, physical ones, there is no trace of the internal corrosion on the outside. There is no way to point out a depressed person among the crowd. They dont stereotypically walk with their heads down or a cloud of rain above their heads. Its painfully lethal on the inside as everything you think keeps slipping out of your grasp and falling, that you are incapable of summoning your thoughts any longer. Depression is not beautiful and it never will be. Stop romanticizing it. Stop it.