Ramblings of a Know-nothing

Trying to write on this forum is daunting to me, so if I get response, please dont be offended if I dont reply. Anxiety on top of depression is killer. I have so much going on in my life. A 4 y/o with autism, my fiancé and I living with family that have no boundaries or respect, in the middle of a court case against my father (along with dealing with the feelings of being the one who put him in jail) taking care of disabled in laws on top of my son, and working full time, only to barely being able to afford the basic necessities of life. Trying to get over the resentment of a failed polyamorus relationship I didnt want in the first place, but I did because I would do anything for the people I care about, even if it means having the very sanctum of my soul mutilated. Yeah, I know its stupid, no he didnt force me, he gave me a chance to end it multiple times, but I kept it on because he has bad depression and anxiety too, and I thought: well at least he has this to make him happy and god knows I would do anything to make him happy.

I feel so broken. Its draining to interact with everyone, and all I want to do is hide, but I cant. I feel like a failure to my son, who needs all this extra care, but I dont seem to have anymore of me to give. I hate myself, I hate the way I look, I hate that Im not as strong willed as I once was, as care free. I feel so beaten down by life, and I wish I just didnt exist. Its like Im being eaten away into nothing...