Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

I'm a very hostile, paranoid, straight to the point type of person. I don't like long conversations with people I don't really know and I always wear a "shield". I'm only truly myself at home. I find myself still wearing a shield around my husband at times, which is not good. I've been with him for nearly 5 years already. I don't trust anyone except my husband. I don't trust my own mother. I had a tough childhood and growing up into a young adult. I basically took care of myself. I don't believe in friends b/c friends are only there for the parties and when they need a ride home or a favor. But I have realized how much I am hurting my husband b/c I do not know how to express my feelings at all and he has done so much for me. I am so self-conscious about intimacy and how to say things to him. I can say "I love you" every night, but sometimes I want to say other things, but my pride gets in the way. Or I think he will laugh at me. I need to put the past behind, but I cannot. I need help.