SAHM & Depression

I am 21 and a full time SAHM (stay @ home mom). I was first diagnosed with depression at the age of 7. I’ve seen therapist and talked to people, went into programs and depression “rehab” but it never seems to work. Unfortunately, medication is off the table due to a chemical imbalance that I have and medication throws everything off. I suffer with depression more than I would like to admit. Every day I think, am I good enough for my child? Am I good enough for my spouse? Am I good enough in general? I love in a constant circle of not feeling good enough, feeling a little better, hating myself, then hating myself for hating myself. I tell myself it isn’t fair that my loved ones have to deal with this or see me like this. At 21 years old I feel like I’m stuck and I truly can’t dig myself out this time. My day involves holding in the tears so my child doesn’t ask of mommy is ok. I smile so my spouse doesn’t have to come home and worry about me because I would just be a burden at that point. I want to be better. So I can be a better mom, and better wife, a better everything. The reason I am a SAHM is bc depression drove me away from my career. I have no friends (bc that’s what happens when you have a baby at a young age), I hate bothering my spouse with my depression issues, and I can’t dump any of my mental issues onto my child. I want help so bad, but I’m stuck.