Searching for light
Does anyone else feel the way I do? Like no matter how hard you try or how positive and good you try to be it just doesn't matter because you end up in the same spot you were when you were self-destructive, self-harming, and using? I just feel defeated. I have little to no support from anyone in my family and I am too socially awkward to make real friends so I just sit here alone with my thoughts. I'm reaching out to try and feel a little more heard and supported so if you see my little light flickering in the distance light yours too and say, hi.
@Cw22 Have you ever tried to tell your people how you feel? Like really telling them everything? I believe you didn't because you are sure they will not understand.
Well, people can't imagine what we feel if they never felt in the same way. Or sometimes they also feel the same and that makes them closing in their onw sea shells, blind for what is happening around them.
So, I would advice you to start talking. It might not work the first time, then try again. And again, until it works.
This is better than any medicine or therapy, believe me. And we all struggle to do it :)
Just remember that when YOU start a conversation like this, you are the one in charge. Meaning that you must be the one keeping it calm, understanding that it will deffinitely be hard for others to understand you from the first talk. So don't be disappointed from them and just try to explain yourself better. Ask them what would they do in your situation - that's how they start to understand.
Believe me, when you take off this burden from your chest, things will start to change in a better direction :)
@phannko thank you for the advice. It is very hard for me to be open with people. I will try to be more candid. I'm just scared of rejection. That's what this all boils down to. I'm scared to be vocal because I dont want to be wrote off or looked at differently.
@Cw22 I know the feeling. I think that every person you ever met has experienced the exact same thing in a different stage of their life :) But we all manage it with a different speed and it's complitely normal :)
Knowing this is as your complitely normal weakness, will make it easier to accept it. And accepting it as a layer of your personality will make it easier for you to ignore it and do things despite it.
We all have to ignore some of our weaknesses to live the life we want. Imagine that this weakness of yours was a bad broken leg. Understanding that there's nothing weird of breaking a leg will help you do the right thing that will help it heal :) And you will have to go and tell people so they can understand you and help you with the process. If you don't show them that you are really in pain, they can reject you and that's a normal thing, because you are probably not giving them the information that they need in the most easiest way possible, so they can understand it. So you will probably have to try again, despite the rejection. And this is also a normal way of things happening :) It happens all the time with everybody. Just because everyone are dealing their own shit that we probably know nothing about. And everyone need some time to ignore that shit and start listening to the person in front of them :)
And when you have this broken leg, would you stay right there where you broke it and make it conduct your life or you will try walking instead, ignoring all the struggle? :)
If it's hard for you to talk to them, write them a letter. Tell them why it's better for you to write. Just be honest :)