Sexuality

Just recently I came across a post on an unnamed forum from my 14 year old cousin who exclaimed that she really wants to partake, and her words werent this mild, in gloryhole business on the giving end.

It's a jarring start to a conversation that I am deeply uncomftorable with, but it's killing me.

Sex, sexuality, and all things included.

Everyone I know, ever known, have been very open with their sexuality and 'interests' unlike me who thinks its a private thing and should be kept so. I do not have any issue with displays of sexuality between two people in a relationship, good for them I mean. But this incessant focus on sex in the modern society, think about it. Sex in music, in shows, in movies, in writing, etc etc. It's rare these things are about actual affection rather than lust. So much focus on characters sexuality rather than personality.

But I digress. I am not like the others around me. I hear or see displays of sexuality and it physically sickens me. I hate it, but I dont know why I hate it. I do not want other peoples sexlives to be my business but I have ended so many friendships or relationships because of random remarks or comments. From as relatively extreme as my ex telling me she wanted to partake in an orgy, to as relatively mild as a friend of mine commenting on the physical attractiveness of a lead singer in a band.

I realise healthy people dont react as violently to normal sexuality as I do, and I do not know why, but its hurting just about every relationship I have, or more accurately had.

The alienation I feel from this is one of the three main things fueling my depression, and excuse my melodrama, i grow more tired each day.

End rant, thanks.