Sharing my story pt. 2
A few years later my parents had a falling out with the religious leader and left the church but didn't abandon their religion. They became delusional thinking that this religious leader would make things "right", which of course never happened. My "father" had been a full time worker at the church so he was now jobless. He remained jobless or mostly jobless for years living off his retirement which made us his main focus. My brother and I weren't in school so we basically sat around waiting to be 18.
My "father" became bitter and aggressive which turned into domestic violence. No one did anything about it except try to protect each other from him. He pushed my mother down stairs, bashed our heads up against brick walls, strangled us, and even punched me in the stomach. Plus there was verbal abuse. We lived in fear everyday. That was when I started to cut myself because I had no one to talk besides my mum and brother. We basically lived under house arrest except for my brother because he was allowed to have a job and I wasn't. I wasn't allowed to talk to my best friend (only friend) or anyone anymore.
We finally joined another church and their school. Things didn't improve at home but at least school was a get away and some social interaction (I'm very socially awkward because most of my life has been lived in isolation) I've dealt with my brother calling me fat all my life and even at 14 yrs old and 120lbs my mother told me I needed to spanx.
So I have major body image issues.
These few shortyears at this new school were the best I'd ever had even though I was always bullied but I actually had friends for once in my life. I had my first love from a school friends friend so technically not from that school but from that time period. Eventually we got caught talking and hanging out alone together (which was forbidden) because my parents didn't know/allow me to have a boyfriend. After that they pulled us out of school again and my brother and I ran away (for a day to my grandma's house) before my parents figured out where we were and dragged us back.
After that I fell into such despair I had several failed attempts at suicide. I was planning my last and writing letters to the people I cared about. I had everything set and was choosing a date when I was told we were going to visit some old family friends. So I put it off since we started having weekly visits there on weekends and there was a guy I thought I'd get to know before I "left". At first we were friends because he was engaged and I was still hanging on to my first love that I later came to find out was cheating on me. I didn't really feel attracted to him for a while until I got to know him really well. He ended up breaking things off with his psycho older fiancée because the very first time we "hung out" (his parents said he had to be our chauffeur to the mall) she flipped because I was there even though he had just met me.
@Cheshire94
You are beautiful hun!
@silverrose
Thanks for reading. It's been hard trying to finally get this out without fear.
Anyways we ended up dating a few months later. My parents listened to EVERY phone call and chaperoned EVERY date and we weren't allowed to touch at all!
About two months later my mother finally fled the abuse and they were separated for a while. My brother was living with a friend so I was left all alone with my "father" which was terrible. I was the cook and maid. And all the household responsibilities fell on me. I was his sole focus and if I even said anything he didn't like the tone of he would threaten to not let me see my boyfriend. The only people who understood what I was going through abandoned me, I mean I understand it was everyone trying to survive but it was still the fact that my mother & brother didn't care if I was the one who was going to get all of the abuse.
Anyways once my mum eventually came back the fighting resumed and escalated. One night it got really bad and I used a secret phone my boyfriend gave me in case of such emergency and called the cops and a noise complaint of hearing a man and woman fighting and things breaking. It didn't help. Then about a week later my mum came down to my room with her beta fish tank because he was going to through it out the window and let it die to punish her. So I finally stood up to him for the first time in my life even though I knew I'd get severely punished. I yelled at him & cursed him out and pushed him away from me and my mom they were both too shocked to do anything. I yelled at him to go away & oddly he did.
Knowing what would inevitably come I ran away and never came back. I was 17. I called my boyfriend in the middle of the night and he took me too my (other) grandparents house. I lived with them for a few months and then moved in my then fiancée. We were married 5 months later and have two children and a house of our own. I still struggle with those memories and can't be touched certain ways. I have depression and anxiety and I relapsed this fall after being 5 yrs clean of self harm which was when the depression hit. I still am socially handicapped because I don't know how to interact with people but I'm still smart and have educated myself. This place has really helped me. So thanks if you've read this far. 
