Sincerity

I know many people but I don't really have friends whom I could talk to about how I feel. They always see me as a happy-go-lucky girl but deep down inside, I don't know what am I, who am I or what do i do. I'm scared to tell anyone what I really feel or what I'm really thinking because I feel they wouldn't understand me anyway. I tried but they just don't. I had "best" friends but I feel like people only talk to me when they want something. And now I moved away to study and they didn't even tried to message me first. It felt tiring you know, to know that every messages you sent them gets seen and no replies. Or they only message you to ask for some money or ask for help. They told me they would visit me here but they never did. I realized that I was always the one who puts effort in all of my relationships, with friends and family. And i hate myself because I know that i am always willing to help, to be there for people who does not even remember me. I don't even know what to do in my life anymore. I got no passion, no motivation, no friends, no money. I have nothing.