So Tired....
So tired of feeling so isolated all the time. I feel like the only the only connections I ever get to make are on a computer and feeling like every time I look someone in the eye thinking that they won't see me as worth the time as friends much less more.
I swear I get told to find the hope in the things around me when all I see is hopelessness.
@SaturnsOwn Hey there, Im so sorry you're feeling this way. I know the feeling. I have this journal i write in to deal with my anxiety and depression and almost every line starts off with "I'm so tired", which is why i clicked on your post because really its a sucky feeling. I'm not going to try and convince you otherwise because you and i both know how hard it can be, but i will tell you a few things. FIrst and most importantly, you are so much more than your sexuality. It is a huge part of you, but it is not the only thing that makes you you. You are made up of so many more experiences and emotions, and are such a complex creature that if you think people will only see you for this part of you, than maybe they are not worth having since they dont know the real you. Second, i know its hard feeling like you only make friends on a computer but the people you meet behind a computer screen are no less friends than your real life friends. I cant tell you how many troubles ive went through in the last two years where i had no friends to talk to about it but people on this website welcomed me and were there for me multiple times when my real friends werent. But also i get it, you do need actual physical people around you for your own health, i dont know you personally but im sure there are people who you have in your life there that want to be your friend regardless of your sexuality or any other factor that doesnt define who you are. Its so tiring sometimes being this way, feeling different and broken or sick (im sorry im using some of my own feelings i know you may not feel the same way), but trust me when i tell you the worst thing you can do is self pity. We want to feel bad for ourselves and be tired and sad because its easier than the alternative of actually doing something about it. I know because this is what i always do, but i try my best not to let these feelings get me down and to figure out ways to accept myself and keep myself social. My homosexuality is only one part of me, and if people dont like it then they have no business with it. But im more than just my sexuality and so are you. And i hope that one day down the road when you recall how tired you used to be, you can look back and see how strong you've become :)
Please feel free to message me anytime because i feel we might have a lot in common, and i dont really know you but i really think you're genuinely just a really great person.