Someone is suicidal
I have a friend who has a friend that is suicidal. I feel like I can help this person by talking to them, but this person absolutely despises me. I don't think they would talk to me, and I'm afraid if I message them ,they'll only get angry at our mutual friend for telling me about it .What should I do?
Hey @orangeBalloon176
This sounds like a super tought situation, and I am sorry that you are in this situation
Can I just confirm that this is a friend off of 7 Cups? Sounds crazy, but sometimes we refer to members as friends and obviously this would differ due to procedures we have to follow! I am going to assume that it is a friend offline, so that we can give a full answer than i'll briefly explain some of the things we have in place on 7 Cups to support those who are suicidal.
You said that you feel like you could help by talking to this person, and I think communication is super important when being concerned your friend is suicidal. Asking them about their intentions behind their thoughts, and trying to figure out if they are actively or passively suicidal can be difficult but also necessary at times. This can be super helpful in getting them the help that they need during this time and helping to keep them safe, especially when actively suicidal. Although you also mentioned that this person may not speak with you, that is a valid concern and this is a sensitive topic that may make them defensive.
Could I ask what makes you think that they are suicidal? and what makes you think they would not speak to you? If its something they have said/posted on social media (or in person) than perhaps you could bring it up indirectly first to try and offer support. I know in the past, when I have seen people I'm not super close with, but am friends with on facebook for example - I try and message them just offering my support. A simple message such as 'Hey, I know we aren't super close but I couldn't help but noticed you seemed a little down when you posted/spoke recently. I just wanted you to know, that I am always here if you wanted to talk. I won't judge, and can give you other support options if you would like <3' I know this sounds a bit full on, and they can easily ignore it but that is then up to them.
You said your mutual friend had mentioned it? Could you maybe ask them to supply them with some hotline numbers? I've found another great thing to do is provide them with resources so that when they get to the point where their thoughts overwhelm them, they can reach out themselves. I have often followed up the previous message with a list of hotlines, and just let them know that there are people there if they would like to speak to someone that doesn't know them.
I think the most important thing for you to remember, is that you are not responsible for their actions. I know its super difficult and we want to help them in every way possible, but sometimes they need more expert support and without them accepting this we can't do much.
Please let me know if I can help anymore, and remember that you are not alone!
Just to confirm as well - with 7 Cups procedures, I am aware this person seems to be an offline friendship, but so you know in future. If the individaul is actively suicidal (with a plan) than we would refer them onto professional helplines so that they could get the help they need. There is buttons to refer individuals in group support rooms, and we can also provide them with details of hotlines!
@emsworld it's someone offline. She probably won't speak to me because the mutual friend we have is a guy that she dated but broke up with and then he started seeing me, after which she started trying to get back with him .Now he's all on the fence and can't decide who to choose, and she's talking about harming herself to stop the pain. I think she's talking out her rear, seeking attention, but I don't want to assume that and be wrong. I did message her and let her know I was available to talk, even if we are basically opposing sides in a war. She has not viewed the message yet, but she told the guy we both want that she'd talk to me if I messaged her or added her on Facebook. So I sent a message. I don't know if he told her I was messaging about that, but either way she said she'd talk to me so hopefully we can get it sorted out. If she doesn't get defensive and hateful.
Hey @orangeBalloon176
Apologies for the delayed response, I wasn't online. Just to confirm, that if you would like a live response you can connect with an active listener at any point during the day by going on the Browse Listeners tab, or sending out a General Request which will help link you to an online listener
Thank you for confirming that it is in fact somebody offline, I know how difficult offline relationships can be depending on the status, and it can often be difficult to speak to somebody in a distressed state. oh no, that does sound like a complicated relationship that could cause some conflict with you both. There is always a chance that it could be for attention, although usually in these cases there are still some underlying issues that are just as worrying - but of course it is best to believe them and take action so that they are sage.
I'm glad to hear that you messaged her and let her know that even though your situaiton may not be ideal, it wouldn't stop you from being avaliable to talk. It is always great to let somebody know that you are there for them, especially if they are feeling a little isolated. It's been a little while since you sent this, did she end up responding to your message?
Remember that no matter what it is not your responsibility to take control of her actions, it is important to take care of yourself during this time as well. If you feel like perhaps you are unable to manage her emotions, or things are getting too much it is always okay to message her some hotlines and take a break for yourself. You come first! Also, if you ever did need someone to talk to yourself, we are here for you at 7 Cups!
