Stuck

I am a 24 stay at home mom of a two year old little girl and I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and I suffer from depression. I kind of just wanted to put my story on here because I feel alone and no one understands. I started noticing depressive symptoms around age 16... I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything with anyone and was just sad for no reason all the time. I did an internet search and showed my parents and told them I thought I had depression.... They did not believe me, told me I was fine and what was my problem, who was hurting my feelings, why was I sad? See the thing is is I have had a lot of crap happen to me over the years but at that time I had a pretty normal good life and couldn't point to anything specific. So I stopped talking. If I felt sad I didn't tell anyone and just kept it all in...I ended up cutting for the first time around 17 I think.. I felt overwhelmed and felt like I couldn't talk to anbody and I needed a release.. And it worked so self harmingwas how I taught myself to deal with sadness and stress. Well my depression continually got worse but I never told anyone until after I married my husband in 2010 and I opened up to him... We sought professional help but that has never worked for me and that is another story in itself.. I was doing ok and in 2011 we decided we wanted to start a family and I got pregnant with my daughter I really thought everything was finally going to be ok. But I was wrong and got hit really hard with postpartum depression it destroyed me and I have never been the same since. Although I don't have postpartum anymore and I love my daughter my depression has been getting worse again with nowhere to turn. I ended up in the hospital back in fen because I was cutting again and having sucicidal thoughts. I was there for five days and I had the option of leaving or staying longer and I chose to leave because I really wanted to see my family. I don't think I should have left though I was finally getting some real help and I wasn't done healing now I feel stuck because I'm pregnant I'm not sucidialand I can't go back and I don't know how to just be happy and I feel like my recovery is far from done but I don't even know where to start I don't know how to get better I don't feel like it's right for me to feel better because I haven't finished my healing journey and I so want to. So right now I feel utterly hopeless,lost, and stuck.