Stuck between suffering and medication
I've been struggling with depression most my life, with periods where it will lift enough I can function somewhat normally. I've never been on medication long term (the last time really did me in when the dr diagnosed side effects as a new condition). But now it's ruined another relationship. I don't know if I can get it back. He told me that I needed to see a doctor or he didn't think he could be with me anymore. So my appointment is tomorrowand I'm so scared. I don't want to get on drugs. They have such bad side effects. Even if I get Better, I will likely still have no sex drive. I was just sitting in the other room thinking about it and the depressed blank look on my face made himask what was wrong. I'm really scared. Im stuck between a rock and hard place. I don't remember the last time we had sex, it was over two months ago. He doesn't enjoy my company anymore (because I'm so down & negative most of the time) so he doesn't take me out to do things anymore. His reaction has made me lose respect for him and it's just been a vicious cycle. What should I do? Can I survive being medicated? How can I improve my relationship in the meantime?
Hey there
Sad to hear what you have been going through. From what Iread the extent and duration of the depression is pretty serious. I am glad to hear you are getting into the system again, in the pursuance of help and improvement in quality of life you deserve. I understand your concerns about going on meds again.The idealmight bea non-psychotropic solution but if that doesn't bring positive results, and you agree to trynew meds with your doctor,you candiscussyour concerns on impaired libido. There are literally hundreds and hundreds of types and some don't cause any libido impairment or sexual dysfunction. This might be a process of trial and error.
What exactly is a non-psychotropic solution? I just gave up on counseling. My boyfriend told me to stop going because he wasn't seeing results. I was seeing that therapist for about 4 months. I've seen therapists on and off since I was about 14. All to no avail. My marriage failed and I thought I could trust myself in another relationship, But here I am again. In an almost identical situation. This man just has more self control to not beat me.
This is a familiar story. My ex used to go through the same thing. We ended up splitting up because of it although in retrospect I learned a lot about life through it all.
The important thing is finding a sense of self worth. If someone is making you feel like you will lose them if you don't get "better" (whatever that means) then it is really taxing on a person's sense of self.
Have you tried finding forms of validation apart from your relationships? Hobbies, interests, or anything you may have a "knack" for?
No, not really. Most of the things I enjoy, I would need a partner (canoeing, hiking, etc). I do take my dog with me on short little hikes, but any longer, I feel like I need another person with me. I do work out by myself mostdays maybe 4-5 days a week. I did start medication, and it's helping so far.
This may be a dumb question but have you asked your significant other to do those things with you? It sounds like you're an active person. That's a good thing. Maybe the extra time spent together would help you both in your relationship.
Personally, I've tried getting my girlfriend out to be active lately but like you, I end up going it alone. I've been running a 5k circuit around our neighborhood. It's got me feeling a bit better but I too could use someone there who is willing to do it along with me. She just comes home and lays on the couch every day. I've had a lot going on in my life including close friends dying and close family members going to jail. It all weighs pretty heavy and I feel like if I just had a little more support I could deal with it all better. I've got the number for a local counselor I just haven't made the appointments yet. I'm hoping that light starts poking through before it comes to that but I don't know if it will.