The Birthdays of Dead Loved Ones

Hey everyone,

I’ve been away for awhile and I’ve recently turned to using the app because sometimes I just can’t or won’t get out of bed to sit at the laptop.

I’ve been trying harder with my therapy and dealing with the little hiccups and road bumps. Lately I’ve been fixated on my younger sister’s problems and how they effect my mother. To be honest I’m more worried for my mother and for my sister’s poor dog who recently got attacked by a dog owned by another tenant of the shelter and lost some of his ear…

When I do get some time for myself I still don’t really have the energy to notice basic stuff aside from what day it is so I can take my meds on the right day and in the right order. I realized during a late night network failure that I’d completely forgotten that the birthday of my friend, who passed away in the summer of 2017, was this week on Thursday.

I was startled and then sad that I’d forgotten.

At first I thought “well, I could make a Pineapple Upside Down cake on that day” then felt upset with myself because I’ve been messing up fixing my diet and getting my numbers down to make my doctor happy and also avoid having to start taking cholesterol meds. I didn’t want to give myself an excuse to have a whole cake.

I’ve had a few days to settle and think it through, and decided that I shouldn’t beat myself up over forgetting. That I’ll do something nice, but not diet killing for tomorrow like getting a cup of her favorite coffee from Starbucks.

I’ll do what I usually do and send a text to her brother and check to see how he’s doing, and send another text to one of her close friends that I’ve been meaning to call and have been putting it off.

All of this has encouraged me to do a little more today than I did the day before. I’ve done a little laundry, some dishes, and even went outside and pulled weeds where the gardeners didn’t go during their last visit to the property.

I guess I’m trying to try for now.