The vicious cycle of social anxiety, depression, and codependent relationships
So, it kind of goes like this, at least for me. I've had social anxiety for a good part of my life and have always been labeled as "shy" and "withdrawn". I don't do riot-sized mob crowds. I don't do weird dating situations where the guy asks me how I feel about jello while looking at me with beady eyes and a greasy grin. It's hard to schedule and organize meetup events when I'm the only one that shows up. Yada yada yada.
Anyhow, all the thinking or even overthinking, about why stuff like this happens can lead to depression, at least for me, where I can get kind of mopey and not feel like going anywhere or doing anything. Why did that guy treat me like that? Was it because of some "signal" I must've given him, as if it was my fault he behaved that way (I have strong moral values, so in my case, I hope not!)? Why didn't anyone show up to that dinner meetup I planned? Why is it so hard to find and make friends? These are the kinds of questions that float through my head during and after stressful social situations that can leave me worn out and feeling depressed.
How does that fit in with codependent relationships? In my experience, I had been in emotionally poisonous relationships like that because in my attempt to make friends (or even have a successful date), a narcissist might come along and pretend to be a friend because they are preying on my vulnerability due to my social anxiety, therefore taking emotional advantage of me and doing a great deal of damage in the process.
Codependent relationships often end up causing a lot of emotional trauma, making it hard to trust again in order to begin and maintain a relationship ... which leads to the exacerbation of social anxiety.
@AbbyHarris1976 I have no experience in relationships. I'm what you would call a hermit and a loner. I also suffer from anxiety and depression, but for what I'd like to call "real life reasons". I'm in the gutter emotionally and also otherwise. I often do fantasize how much better my life would be if I had someone. Anyone. To give me emotional support in life. Then I read things like this and I feel like perhaps it would not make it that much better. Since I'd have to worry about losing the other person all the time.
I think that you can't or shouldn't expect your spouse to be your psychologist. Of course they should help you, but not act like they know how to fix you. Depending on the other person for everything might be stressful for them, because they will feel like they now have to also carry not only their own worries, but the worries of another.
What I'm getting here is that it's best to heal yourself first, before you invite another in. It's hard to find compassionate people in real life as most are quite unfamiliar with depression. Heck people say they are depressed because they ran out of milk. Most don't know the hell an introvert goes through. When you reveal your "condition" to them, most are taken aback. They'll give their superficial support, but quite frankly most people just want to walk away from your worries and world. You can't blame them. It's bleak to listen to someone who is down and out. In any case I'm no expert. I just know that people on this website are insanely supportive and open minded, which is nothing like what people are out there. I have grown to expect mental cruelty in my life. Not because people are cruel, but because they are blissful to your suffering.
