This feeling
( please don't come for my grammar thank you )
from the earliest memory could remember, I've never fit in with anyone kindergarten no one would be my friend or let me join their groups or the neighborhood kids would pretend to like me and if I went to their homes to see if they wanted to play they would pretend like they weren't home.
I've been a very isolated person I don't go to parties or out for walks I basically stay in bed and create imaginary friends with movie characters or series or anime characters. I figured from reading this you might think that am some fat slob but am not in any way over weight might be over weight for my height but not omg she's huge you know what I mean.
but anyways I tend to dwell in issues or have negative outlook on situations that may have happened and I've been bullied alot like alot it's unbearable I've even made plans to kill my self I've done self harm for months but it's since my high school days and am like 24 now and it like what am I doing with my life am not happy what even is the reason for waking up every morning when your hated by ppl you've done nothing to I still self islote I fear that I may never come out of this decade long depression
Hi there @intelligentCranberry3179. Thank you so much for sharing this very vulnerable post. You should be praised for being open and putting it all out there like you have. I feel there is definitely some pain behind your words, but want to let you know that this pain can be remedied in a healthy way. I know you have a long history of depression and bullying and I feel that won't be solved in a single post or a single chat. You've already taken a great first step in that you are opening up, revealing that you do want to be happy and accepted, as you most absolutely should be!
I am sorry you were bullied and hate that life has been tough on you over this decade long depression. Your words were pointed and yet I know there's absolutely hope even if you may have a hard time seeing it yet. I want you to know that you are a beautiful person who deserves to be heard and cared for. You deserve a kind heart as you navigate the healing process.
I encourage you to reach out to a listener or a therapist here on 7 Cups to open up more to the degree you are comfortable and explore this bit of a shroud over your life so that you can find the path that takes you out of it and into the light. That light is able to be found if you have the right guide(s) to help you. And guess what? It's perfectly okay to need a guide every once in a while. You don't have to take every path alone. I hope you'll let someone walk the path with you.
You are important, you are worth everything, and you deserve to be listened to and cared for. I hope you'll continue looking for healthy ways of healing even with the help of a listener or a therapist my friend.
Best wishes,
TwoCreamTwoSugar