To those that don't want to feel anything

I have depression, and I'm going to be very direct here. To those that do have depression and feel pain, sorrow, grief, and everything else every day and want to just feel nothing at all, choose your words carefully. This isn't coming from someone at the end of this dark road, this is coming from someone who got his wish.

At one of the worst parts of my depression, it got to be too much to handle. I curled up in my bed and slept the rest of the day, wishing that all of my feelings would stop. That was four years ago, and now I wish I could feel pain again. I've become so emotionally numb that I can't even qualify as living anymore. I've had close family die and still felt nothing, and I hate myself for it. And the days that I do feel, I feel it all at once, and the noise is so defining that I can't even see straight on those days. You may wish to feel happiness again, and that's alright. You're still willing to deal with the sorrow, but when you ask to not feel anything, stop. Every day I wish to feel even grief and pain, because at least then I can say I'm alive. Don't be like me. Don't take that road. It's full of holes. And if you did, I'm sorry to hear that.