Trigger warning - I just don't know anymore what to do.

Hi I am Douglas, I am 36, I been diagnosted with PTSD, Severe Social Anxiety and Regular anxiety ontop of Severe Chronic Depression.

I am 5'11" tall and 440 lbs weight. I been obese since I was 5 years old, no matter how much I work out what I eat, I can't lose weight; I try and try but all I can manage is a few lbs here and there then gain it right back.

From age 5 to 8 I was molested sexually by my step dad on a daily bases. Once by an Uncle at 7, and from 7 to 11 by my female cousin.

From 5 to 17 my step dad would beat me daily till I was either bleeding or he got tired of hitting on me and beating me for that day, my mom didn't care as long as she had someone to be with.

From 18 to 29 I been homeless on the streets, my aunts and cousins would take me in for a week, then after I paid bills they would kick me out. I have been robbed, jumped on, held at gun point, held up by knives. I have seen two grown men kill themselves in front of me. I have witnessed a car wreck with children screaming for god to help them while they burned alive. I have lost a cousin to suicide and even lost my own mom to suicide when I was 25.

I never knew my real dad till I was 24 then he died a few months later of liver failure. Only type of jobs I been able to do were cash under the table day labor. but I can't even do that anymore because of my rheumatoid arthritis. So I am on disability getting eigth hundred dollars a month to live on.

I am currently living with my real dad's sister, I am saving money for a car.

For the past 7 years of living with her I have tried to find someone to date, but all I get is rejected, told I am worthless, useless, told I have nothing to offer anyone, no one would want me, I am trash, even told I need to end my life. All because of my weight. Or I been catfished, lead on like they wanted me for months, then they would fake their death or call me while they had sex with someone or they ghosted me after months of talking. Then would show up stalking me again.

I just don't know what to do anymore at this point.