Trying to regain self-esteem
I'm feeling at a complete loss lately. Despite receiving support from family and friends, skills and encouragement from my therapist, I feel like I'm only sinking deeper and deeper into depression. None of the positivity seems to be getting through to me, still I keep seeking it hoping that today, it will be different.
My confidence was strong at one point that I could overcome this on my own and I felt that I was doing a good job at staying mindful of my emotions and recognizing that they will pass. Somewhere along the way it feels like that confidence was shattered and now the feeling of loneliness gets to me more than it ever has.
I have been reading through my old journals and trying to focus on rediscovering my core values in hopes that I can find inspiration to believe in myself again.
I'm trying to find the strength to push through the plaguing feeling of disconnection.
Hi..
I just found this website today, per google. I am also feeling disconnected and I am a newbie on depression.. I don't really open up, but I would like to talk to you about your issues.
For as long as I can remember, my life has been crap. Like seriously... Crap. But for the longest, I was fine. I was able to deal with my problems like a champ. I used to be so focused and driven. I wanted nothing more than to be better than my drug dependent mother and to find my happiness. Now i am in school and I feel comfortablewith my finances, etc.. and I feel like I am losing it.
I don't know what happened... It is like all of the past just rushed up to grab me from behind and drag me down.. I blocked everything out for so long, and channeled all of my problems to help drive determination.. and now i find myself losing control over my emotions.. The littlest things make me snap and I cry and feel sad for no reason.. i cry at night.. i cry in the morning.. and its beginning to show on the outside.. it is affecting my concentration and productivity with my schoolwork and job.. i have no patience.. and i cannot focus to save my life..
And the loneliness.. it is terrible.. i do not have friends. i was never able to get them.. and when i finally found friends, it seems as if they disappear after finding out my problems.. i have a boyfriend.. but he is from a completely different world. he is from a privileged family.. and my family... well what family? i am broken. And I used to be so confident in myself and knowing that I am going to make it out of this hole i was born in.. but now.. i too feel like i cannot find inspiration to believe in myself.
I am a wreck too.. Don't give up though, k? Keep fighting for your happiness.. I am trying my hardest. I just finished crying again. Just know that you are not alone. Maybe we can help each other through this thread. I suck at making friends or human connections.. but i hope this helps you, River321. I find it great that you have reached out to a therapist.. I am ashamed to do so. I have tried.. but I never make it to the appointments.. I have always been told to "put on my big girl panties" and suck it up.. so now i feel ashamed and like a cry baby when talking about my problems.. I hope you start feeling better! And, I hope I don't bore you with this EXTREMELY.. long post.
-- Jamie (Spelled like a boy, but I am female-- lol)
